Give Me a Break
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry is finally given vacation time after months of working tirelessly at the agency, but finds it's difficult to relax when work can no longer distract him from his problems. THIS STORY IS PART OF A SERIES, AND WILL MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE WITHOUT FIRST READING THE OTHER STORIES.
1. Chapter 1

**It's been a while since I've written the stories I'm uploading now, so I'm really uneasy about doing so since they're so different and a little rocky when compared to the way I write now. That being said, this fic is particularly all-over-the-place, but I know people have been wanting to read them all, so I'm putting it up anyway (and it has major plot points, so it'd be hard to leave it out!). Sorry about its inconsistent plotline, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Please pardon its dust, and thank you for all your positive comments, it's so uplifting to know people love these even after all this time!**

"I must say, Agent P, I'm amazed at how quickly you completed the notes on Mission 507." Monogram said.

"What was Mission 507, sir?" Carl asked.

"I told you last week!" Monogram said. "Pay attention, Carl. Mission 507 was what we assigned to Agent P when we suspected that Agent L had been using the agency's female restroom to send messages to villains. He investigated an hour a day for ten days. Very good work, Agent P. Let's read the notes."

Monogram opened up the notebook Perry had used on his mission.

 _Day One. Description of the Girl's Room: Very clean. Smells like violets and kangaroos. Makes sense since a lot of the kangaroos in the agency are female. There are a lot of random mirrors. There are mirrors in front of the sinks, on the walls, and even a tiny mirror in each stall. We'd probably have enough funds if we hadn't bought all these mirrors._

 _Sighted the suspect briefly. Suspect washed hands, looked in one of the many mirrors, fixed fur, and left._

 _Day Two. There's probably at least three mirrors per every female agent in the agency in this one room. I have noticed that the toilet paper always gets stocked here. Why don't we do that for the male bathroom? Suspect not sighted._

 _Day Three. Why do these females need so many mirrors? It's not like they have a vital organ connected to them or something. Suspect came in today, did nothing suspicious._

 _Day Four. Suspect did nothing today. I'm sick of coming here. When no one is in here, my only entertainment is the mirror on the front of the stall door and a box of tissues that I like to flush down the toilet one by one._

 _Day Five. I am so sick of seeing mirrors everywhere._

 _Day Six. I am starting to get nightmares about my reflection._

 _Day Seven. Suspect came in and washed hands. Briefly talked to friend about lip gloss. Fixed fur and left._

 _Day Eight. The suspect is not guilty of anything. I don't want to be here._

 _Day Nine. The smell of flowers is starting to get to me. Today the suspect entered the room, washed hands again, and left._

 _Day Ten. WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ! #$%^ & MIRRORS IN THE GIRL'S ROOM_

Monogram put the journal down and stared at Perry.

"You don't know what I have suffered." Perry said grudgingly.

"Well, I guess we can cross Agent L off as a potential enemy." Monogram said.

Perry nodded.

Monogram looked at a couple of papers. "Well, you've done a lot of work these past few weeks. I think we can finally authorize you some vacation time."

Perry blinked.

"I'm serious, Agent P. Take some time off. You've deserved it."

Perry let the news sink in slowly.

He was actually getting a vacation. He had only received four vacations in his lifetime, and one of them didn't count because he had been called back into work halfway through.

He could do anything he wanted. He could go swimming, play fetch with the boys, hide singing hamsters in various areas around the house…

Perry grinned. He jumped up and hugged the monitor. Then he dashed out of the room.

* * *

"Somebody looks happy." Pinky said.

Perry hopped over to him. "I get time off! Finally! I hardly know what to do…"

"You could… go to the Dewdrop Resort and Spa." Pinky said, holding up a coupon.

"I told you, I don't want your stupid coupon. Besides, Sven would be brokenhearted if I went to a different place."

"You're friends with Sven the seagull? I had no idea you had more than two people you didn't yell at on a daily basis." Darren the duck said, sitting down next to Pinky.

"Thanks, Darren." Perry said through clenched teeth.

"I wish someone would take this coupon." Pinky said. "I only have to give away one more and I win a free smoothie."

"You can give it to me and I'll rip it up for ya." Perry suggested.

"Can't. The person I give it to has to actually go and use the coupon."

"Just drop it, Pinky. No smoothie is worth it."

"Creamy banana-cocoa." Pinky said.

"I stand corrected." Perry said. "If you win, can I have a sip?"

"Save the Pandas." Peter the panda said, placing a halfway-filled money jar on the table.

"What is with you people trying to sell me stuff?" Perry asked.

"Oh, I'm not selling anything." Peter said. "You give me money and I take it and you get nothing but the knowledge that you have helped save pandas."

"Hey, Peter, maybe you could donate this coupon to a panda in need." Pinky said.

"Pandas don't like spas." Peter said. "They use bamboo in their fountains and pandas aren't allowed to eat them. But I'll accept fifty dollars."

"If you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go surprise the boys by picking them up from the park and tell them I've been cleared for vacation time." Perry said.

"You got a vacation?" Peter asked.

"Well, you have to admit, I deserved it." Perry said.

"You know what else you deserve? A relaxing trip to-"

"NO, Pinky." Perry said. "All right, guys. See you later."

* * *

"I'm so glad you get to take a break, Perry!" Phineas said happily. "And that you got to pick us up in your awesome hovercar!"

"Your tiny hovercar." Ferb said, trying to shift his weight so that he wasn't crushing Phineas.

"Sorry it's a bit cramped, boys." Perry said. "Oh! Guys! The pony song is on!" Perry turned the radio up.

"What?" Phineas asked.

"I've got a pony, pony, pony…" Sang the radio. "And he loves it when I brush his mane... Yeah he loves it when I brush his mane... Ohhhhh, clippity clop, clippity clop, ooohhhh..."

"PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, PONY, OOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Perry sang along.

"Do you not know the words, Perry?" Ferb asked.

"PONY, PONY, PONY, MANE, PONY…" Perry sang.

"Whenever Perry's happy, he sings the wrong lyrics to things." Phineas said.

"They're not wrong lyrics. They're better lyrics."

"Do you even know the title?" Phineas asked.

"My cow." Ferb said.

"Yes, Ferb. Good job. This song is definitely about a cow." Perry said.

"Hey, what do noses smell like?" Ferb asked.

Perry and Phineas were silent for a few moments.

"Oh my gosh. I don't know." Perry said. "I mean, we smell our noses all the time. And we never know what the smell is."

"I love our deep conversations." Phineas said.

"They're the perfect way to start off a vacation." Perry said.

"…And that's baby me floating in an inflatable kiddie pool."

"Aww, you were so cute, Perry." Phineas said. "I can't believe we missed so much of your life."

"You didn't miss anything." Perry said. "Just the first three days I existed on the earth."

"What's that picture?" Ferb asked, pointing at another photo in the photo album.

"Ugh, don't look. That's my first ID photo. I got stung by a bee on my eye and then Monogram opened the door on my face."  
"Ouch." Phineas said.

"Stop laughing." Perry kicked Ferb.

"What's that?" Phineas asked.

"My second ID photo. I was in the middle of sneezing. You can see the drips of snot flying toward the camera."

"Oh my gosh. You should see my kindergarten school picture." Phineas ran over to his closet and brought out a box. "Look. I lost all my front teeth, bottom and top, and I was smiling like a dolphin."

"How does anyone smile like a dol-" Perry took the picture from him. "OH MAN." He started to laugh. "THAT'S how you smile like a dolphin."

"Dolphineas." Ferb said.

"My preschool one was bad, too. I had just eaten a candy bar and drooled it down my shirt and I had a black eye."

"From what?"

Phineas bit his lip and didn't answer. Perry cleared his throat and dug around in the box again. "Is this Ferb? He looks like he forgot something."

Ferb laughed. "Yeah. I was in the middle of saying 'Uh-oh'. The kindergarten teacher forgot to take us to Potty Time that morning."

Phineas and Perry burst into laughter.

"Ah, baby pictures." Perry said.

"This is a pretty good one of you." Phineas said, pointing at a picture of Perry.

"Not as good as the Dolphineas." Ferb said.


	2. Chapter 2

"Trisha, I'm not Adam."

"But… but you said…"

"I know what I said." The handsome man said. "But I lied. I am not Adam. I am actually Steven."

"Steven? …But, how could you?" The beautiful girl had tears in her eyes.

"I did, Trisha." Steven said. "I'm so sorry. I have betrayed you."

"I have something to tell you too, Steven. …I'm not Trisha. I'm actually Annalise."

"Annalise? How could you? I hate you!"

"Oh, but I love you Steven. So much more than Adam."

"I love you!"

"I hate you!"

They kissed.

Perry smiled and stuffed some more chips in his mouth. He was glad Annalise and Steven finally got together. Even though Annalise was really Jenna pretending to be Trisha in disguise and Steven was broke because Adam tricked him into thinking Trisha was actually Jenna.

The phone rang.

"Will someone answer that?" Perry shouted.

"You're closer to the phone!" Candace called from upstairs.

"Can you GET someone to answer that?"

"Perry, we're the only ones here and you're right next to the phone!"

Perry growled and picked up the phone. "What?" He asked irritably.

A duck with a very strange accent began quacking. "Is this Perry the platypus?"

"No, this is dog. Yes. Who is this?"

"This is Duckzine Magazine. We thank you for purchasing a Duck-Tastic Dream Pack. It will arrive in the mail along with your weekly magazine, which will be charged to your credit card at sixty-seven dollars a week."

"What the heck? I didn't order anything."

"You didn't? Well, then, would you like to add a free rubber duck to your package as compensation for this incident for an extra three dollars? Say 'DUCK' if you do, and 'LUCK' if you want to cancel all subscription and receive your money back."

"Luck." Perry said.

"Duck? Okay then. An extra three dollars will be deducted and you will receive your free rubber ducky tomorrow."

"LUCK! LUCK!" Perry shouted.

"Duck? Duck? All right, two more rubber duckies will be added to your package."

"No, stop it! I don't want anything. I want to cancel everything." Perry stood up and tightened his robe. "How do I do that?"

"If you would like to cancel all orders and receive all your money back, say 'Onion Rings'."

"Onion rings."

"I'm sorry, sir, are you there?"

"Onion rings!"

"Sir, the connection is a bit fuzzy. Please try moving to a different area or opening a window."

Perry opened the window. "Can you hear me now?"

"Sir? Your voice is very faint."

"Onion rings."

"I'm sorry?"

"ONION RINGS!" Perry shouted, causing the neighborhood owl to blink at him from where he sat on the mailbox.

The duck began to laugh. Perry frowned. "Who is this?"

"Darren!" The duck snickered, in his normal quack. "Man, Per, you must really hate onion rings! You sounded so angry!"

Perry's face flushed. He slammed the window shut. "What the HECK, Darren!"

"Oh, don't be mad, Perry." Darren said, still laughing. "I promise none of us will tell anyone what happened."

"None of US?"

"My friends and I got bored so we started making prank calls, but man, your reaction was the best! Ha ha!"

"I HATE YOU!" Perry yelled, slamming the phone down.

"Who was that?" Candace asked, poking her head into the room. "And why did you keep shouting 'Onion Rings'?"

"I'm going to bed." Perry snapped, turning off the television. "Tell the boys not to wake me up when they get home."

* * *

Perry stormed into the agency and sat down at the table in the main room. He opened up a novel and began to disappear into it.

Devon sat down next to him. He looked shy.

"Um, Perry, can I ask you a question?"  
"No. Take that last one back."

Devon frowned.

Perry sighed. "What?"

"How did you ask your girlfriend to be your girlfriend?"  
"The first time or the second time?"

"Both times."

"The first time we started dating… she just kissed me when I was trying to arrest her. The second time, I think… I think I just kissed her. Can I get back to reading now?"

"Well, not everyone's like you. How does a normal person ask a girl out?"

Perry put down his book. "Dev, are you…?"

"No, I'm asking for a friend." Devon said, blushing.

"Obviously. What does your 'friend's' potential girlfriend like? Flowers? Chocolate?"

"She likes slicing things. Should I- I mean he- get her a knife?"

"Not very romantic." Perry said. "Make her a card or something. Girls like that kind of stuff."

"Okay. I'll tell my friend to do that." Devon got up and Darren sat down in his place.

Perry scooted away from him.

"Oh, come on, Perry, are you still sore about last night?" Darren asked.

Perry ignored him.

"Come on. I said I was sorry."

"No, you didn't."

"Well, I meant to. But it was funny, wasn't it? Even you have to admit that."

"I'm not laughing."  
"You joke around all the time."

"Not at other people's expense."

"What about the part with the rubber ducky? That was funny, wasn't it?"

"About as funny as the time I got hit by a car."

"Aw, lighten up."

"Go away." Perry said. He started reading his book again.

Darren got up and joined a group of his friends. Perry watched them out of the corner of his eye.

He noticed a fennec fox standing near his other side.

"I don't want to talk to you." Perry mumbled.

"He's betrayed your trust." Lowe said. "And he'll have to work hard to get it back."

"I don't want to be analyzed right now." Perry snarled.

"I'm not analyzing you." Lowe said calmly. "I'm just trying to help you understand why you're upset."

"And the difference is...? I'm sorry, did I come to you asking for help?"

Lowe gave a nod and left. Perry wished he could take back everything he said.

Darren was behaving a lot like the jerk he used to be back when he and Perry hated each other. And Perry didn't like it.

* * *

Perry hung over the bed, watching Phineas as he sorted out the baby pictures they had been looking at two days before.

"They were all out of order." Phineas said. "See, there's baby me, just born, and there's a picture of me when I was six before it."

"Benjamin Button's baby album." Perry said. "Aww, you were such a cute baby."

"I was." Phineas said proudly. "Oh, here's that daycare photo I was telling you and Ferb about. With the chocolate and the black eye."

"I'm sorry I asked about your black eye." Perry said. "I should have known."

"How could you have known it was an embarrassing subject?"

"Embarrassing?" Perry asked.

"Yeah, I was riding one of those rocking horses so fast that I flew off and hit my head on a chair."

Perry snickered.

"See, it's embarrassing. What did you mean you should have known- oh." Phineas shook his head. "No, this picture was taken when I was like four."

"Oh."

"My first two years were okay though. You don't have to feel sorry for me." Phineas said. "I mean, if Mr. O'Riley hadn't been so horrible, I never would have gotten Ferb. Or you. Sometimes bad things have to happen for good things to happen."

"I guess." Perry said. "But no kid should have to go through that."

"I honestly don't even remember." Phineas said. "I only remember when he yelled at me because he couldn't find that book. And a couple of other times. I did pretty good staying out of his way when he was angry. But it was only like two years. And everything is so fun and happy now. Aw, look, here's a picture of baby you when you were sleeping in your pet bed."

"Darren prank-called me last night."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Perry. Is that why you were so grumpy?"

"Yeah."

"Buford prank-calls us a lot, but Ferb's really good at handling it." Phineas said.

"What does he do?"

"Well, Buford says something like 'Is your refrigerator running'? And Ferb does this American accent and says 'That's the winning phrase! You win a three-hundred dollar dishwasher that will be charged to your account immediately'! And then Buford freaks out and Ferb laughs."

"Ferb does American accents?"

"Yeah, he's really good at doing impressions. He says American accents are easy, all you have to do is say 'budder' instead of 'buttah' when you're saying butter."

"I never thought of it like that, saying d's instead of t's in some words."

"Yeah. When I was little I used to think Ferb was the only person on earth who had an accent and then one day he told me I had an accent and I was like, 'No, you do.' Do different animals have accents?"

"Yeah. I have trouble deciphering the chatter patterns of platypuses native to Australia because they chatter differently than the ones born here. Anyway. I feel really crummy. I wish Darren had at least apologized."

"He will." Phineas said.

"Phineas!" Ferb ran into the room. "I downloaded a new game called Old Stem! It's so good! You can customize your house and your clothes and your shoes. I sold my shoes so now my character just runs around in socks in mud and sand and stuff."

"Why did you sell your shoes?" Phineas asked.

"They were weird-looking."

"I'm sorting out baby pictures." Phineas said.

"Don't show Perry the one of me in the bathtub."

"But it's so funny!"

"If you show him the bathtub one, I'm showing him the one of you in our stroller."

"Fine." Phineas said.

"I wanna see them both." Perry said.

"I found my first pacifier in the baby box." Phineas said. "And my first blanket. And my first bib."

"I found my first chocolate milk bottle." Ferb said, holding up a baby bottle.

"Is this a lock of my fur?" Perry asked, picking up a piece of teal fluff.

"That was from when you were in your nest-building phase and you made a giant teal nest in our closet out of your fur."

"I wanted a place for my babies to sleep." Perry said defensively. "It was an instinct."

"You wanted your babies to sleep in the closet?" Phineas asked.

"I slept in the closet once." Ferb said.

"I remember." Phineas said. "You went in there to get your pajamas and you were so tired you fell asleep before you came out."

"You fell asleep in the bathtub once." Ferb retorted.

"You fell asleep in the dining chair."

"You fell asleep in the hallway."

"You fell asleep on the ceiling fan."

"The more you know…" Perry muttered.


	3. Chapter 3

"Ferb gets the biggest piece, because he bought the whole thing…" Phineas broke off half the candy bar and gave it to Ferb.

"Thanks, Ferb." Isabella said, taking her share of candy.

"Yes, thank you." Said Baljeet.  
"What should I do for my dad today?" Buford asked as they walked down the street together, eating their treats.

"What did you do for him last year?" Isabella asked.

"I gave him a piece of steak." Buford said.

"I am not certain steak is considered a good father's day gift." Baljeet said.

"How would you know anything about father's day?" Buford demanded. "Your dad was mauled by a tiger!"

"Oh my gosh, Ferb!" Phineas stopped walking. "Father's day! We completely forgot! We have to do something for dad!"

"I cannot solve BOTH of your father's day problems." Baljeet threw his hands in the air.

"Make him a card." Isabella said.

"No, no. That's so lame and last-minute." Phineas said.

"Darn, that's what I was gonna do." Buford said.

"Sorry, guys. We gotta get home and get to work. We'll see you tomorrow!" Phineas ran down the sidewalk. Ferb stuffed his entire share of candy into his mouth and followed.

"Bye." Their friends said.

* * *

"Here's what I got so far." Perry said, sitting on the back of Phineas's computer chair. "Dear Percy, thanks for being the reason I exist. Love, Perry."

"Isn't it a little short?" Phineas asked, unplugging a wire from the computer and connecting it to another one using a fusing tool.

"You're right. Dear Percy, thanks for being born and going rogue and getting your memory wiped and getting stuck in a zoo and falling in love with my mom and making me exist."

"What did you do for him last year?" Ferb asked.

"Nothing. I always thought of Lawrence as a kind of father, so I just gave him something instead. I guess I could do what you're doing and make him a better computer."

"I'm making the computer have the ability to automatically search for something if he asks for it." Phineas said.

"I see no way how that could go wrong." Perry said.

"Only problem is… it's not going so well." Phineas stepped back from the computer with a confused look. "It's like… it's like the computer itself is working against me."

"How can you tell without turning it on to see if it works?" Perry asked. He switched the computer on.

The screen turned blue, and then red. The computer shut off.

Phineas looked devastated. "I don't understand. I don't understand why it doesn't work."

"Because you forgot to smack it." Ferb hit the computer on the top. The computer turned on.

"Oh." Phineas said.

"Of course." Perry said.

"I'll be right back." Phineas said. "I have to go look for my jacket. It's cold in here."

"Searching 'My Jacket'." The computer said. Pictures of jackets popped up all over the screen.

* * *

"Why are you at the agency again?" Pinky asked. "I thought you were on vacation."

"Phineas and Ferb decided to have a who-can-sing-the-loudest contest, and I didn't want to join in." Perry said. "Anything interesting happen while I was gone?"

"Kyle the kangaroo slipped on an orange peel, Magdalena the mongoose accidentally chopped a desk in half, and Devon and Carrie started dating."

"Devon… and Carrie?" Perry asked.

Pinky pointed. Devon and Carrie the cat were sitting on a bench outside of the agency's restrooms, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.

"Well, that's one thing Carrie must not be afraid of." Perry said.

"What?"

"Weirdos. I like Dev and all, but he's a strange one."

"What have you done on vacation so far?"

"Not much. Just been hanging out with the boys. I really oughta do something vacation-ey."

"Like… go to Dewdrop Resort and Spa?" Pinky held up his coupon.

"That gives me an idea." Perry said thoughtfully.

"You'll go?"

"No, of course not. I'll go to Sven's place. I haven't seen him in a while."

Carrie and Devon stood up and linked arms.

"I think I'm gonna go." Pinky said. "They're strange enough by themselves, and now…"

He ran off without finishing his sentence.

Devon came up to Perry. "Hey, Perry, we were wondering…"

Carrie giggled uncontrollably. "Since you helped Devon to ask me out…"

"…And that's funny because?" Perry asked.

"We were wondering if you'd want to go to the pizza place with us." Devon said.

Carrie giggled and beamed at Devon.

"Actually, I was… I had to… I was busy-" Perry sighed. "Sure. Why not."

"Yay!" Devon said.

* * *

"I love you, Devon Woodles!"

"I love you, Carrie Kaboodles!"

They kissed.

"I love you, pizza toodles." Perry muttered to his food.

"Are you surprised, Perry?" Devon asked. "I bet you had no idea I was actually talking about me when I said my friend was wanting to ask this girl out."

"He was talking about him and me." Carrie said.

"Sorry I had to fool you." Devon said.

"That's fine." Perry bit into his pizza slice.

"It's a shame your girlfriend isn't here." Devon said.

"Wouldn't that be fun?" Carrie said shyly. "It would be an entire table of true loves."

"Oh, I love you, Carrie." Devon said.

"I love you, Devon."

"I love pizza." Perry said, waving his slice in the air for emphasis.

"We should order more." Devon said. "My treat."

"But without anchovies." Carrie said quietly.

"Carriedear is scared of anchovies." Devon whispered to Perry.

"I know." Perry said. "We discovered that when she destroyed half the main room during a pizza party."

"I'm glad we finally started dating." Devon said. "We've known each other ever since we were a puppy and a kitten."

"He chased me around a table." Carrie said.

"I did not." Devon said.

"Yes, you did. You kept barking at me."

"Well, I grew to like you, didn't I? And now we're in love."

"And now we're in love." Carrie repeated.

They moved closer to each other. Perry stuck a slice of pizza between them. "This is really good. You guys have to try it."

"Um… I need my own slice." Carrie said. "I'm scared of sharing food with people."

"And yet you have no issues with sharing saliva." Perry said under his breath. He handed her a separate slice.

After spending the past half hour with Devarrie, Perry remembered how much he hated other couples. He didn't want to take it out on them, of course, but did they HAVE to broadcast their declarations of love directly in front of him? It made him want to hurl.

It also reminded him of the time Doofenshmirtz was head-over-heels with one of his girlfriends and had asked her if there was a "wrecky-poo" on the highway she was on.

Perry smiled at the memory.

"Um… why are you smiling?" Carrie asked nervously.

"Just remembering the time the wittle cars got into a bit of a wrecky-poo." Perry said.

"Don't take this the wrong way, Perry, but… you're kind of weird today." Devon said.

"Don't worry, it's not that hurtful coming from you." Perry said. "Well, it's been fun guys, but I gotta get going."

"Thanks for coming with us." Carrie said happily.

"You're the first official person to see us as a couple."

"I'm… honored." Perry said, after finding no other word to describe his true emotions. "Thanks. I'll see you guys later."


	4. Chapter 4

"Why does this thing say it has three different kinds of butters? I had no idea there was more than one kind of butter in existence."

Sven took the body wash bottle from Perry and looked at it. "Makes you wonder why they don't just use one butter and separate it into three bottles."

"Where's the butter-flavored body wash?"

"I had it at one point, but I think I traded it in for toast body wash." Sven said. He placed the bottle back on the edge of the hot tub and took a piece of ice from the freezer pouch he always had around his neck, rubbing it into his wings. Only those close to him knew that Sven had a pathological fear of overheating. The feathers on his wings always looked both dry and waterlogged because of the ice. Sven was always telling Perry his muscles were too tense, and he needed to try and rest them more. Perry didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason he cringed when Sven massaged him was because his wings were cold.

"I don't mean to keep you from your work." Perry said. "I'm perfectly happy to just soak here while you attend to other people."

"No one really came in today." Sven said with a small smile. "I guess everyone was working. I'm glad, though. I haven't seen you in a while."

"You too. You know Pinky's been trying to get me to defect to the Dewdrop resort? He's trying to win a free smoothie."

"They do have great smoothies." Sven said. He took Perry's hand and began massaging it.

Perry shuddered from the sudden cold.

"I keep telling you, you overwork yourself too much." Sven said. "It's not supposed to hurt."

"Doesn't hurt." Perry said. iYour hands are just freezing. You aren't gonna die if you don't touch that ice every five seconds./i "I… just shudder sometimes."

"I can still tell your muscles are tense. I'll rub you down when you're done soaking, okay?"

"I don't think I can afford that today."

Sven shook his head. "On the house."

"Come on, Sven. You're gonna start hating me if you don't let me pay you. Every time I come in you're gonna think, 'Oh, there's that darn Perry again. There's another three hours of unpaid labor.'"

Sven laughed. "Just think of it as letting a friend care for your health. You overwork yourself. And if that doesn't work for you, think of it as your reward for not betraying me to Dewdrop."

* * *

"How was your day, Perry?" Phineas asked.

"Well, I spent most of it talking with my friend Sven, and then on the walk home I noticed Danville Park had a small fire, so I stopped to watch Sparky put it out."

"Sparky?" Phineas asked.

"He's the pyromaniac Dalmatian that lives at the fire station. He puts out the fires the human firefighters don't notice."

"Oh, Fireman Jeff's dog." Phineas said.

"A pyromaniac firefighter?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah, Sparky's always super-excited anytime there's a fire. One time he invited me to a dinner party with some of his friends and he spent the entire evening lighting the tablecloth and the curtains and our dinner on fire and then putting it out."

"Maybe that's why the Danville Fire Station is always catching on fire." Phineas said.

"Wouldn't put it past Sparky. Great dog, but keep him away from matches."

"Weird." Phineas said.

"Is our police dog a kleptomaniac?" Ferb joked.

"Gordy Steven the German Shepherd? No, why would you think- oh. Ha ha." Perry grinned. "So, what did you guys do?"

"We went to Isabella's and swam in her pool." Phineas said. "Buford and Baljeet and Irving and Django came too. Buford kept squirting us with water."

"And then Baljeet threw a water balloon at him." Ferb said. "Buford chased him down the street. They never came back."

"I sure hope we'll see him again." Phineas said nervously.

* * *

Finally. The park. Perry would be able to get to the second page of his novel without anyone disturbing him.

He lifted the corner of the page.

"Um, Perry?" Carrie asked.

Perry sighed and let go of the corner. He should have known better than to read outside, when he had even been interrupted in the Panic Room in the basement.

"What?" Perry grumbled.

"I was supposed to get a form in to Carl and I forgot."

"Take the entrance." Perry pointed at the tree he was sitting up against.

"Um, could you do it? Since you're not busy?" Carrie handed him a folder with Carl's name printed on it. "I'm in the middle of thwarting Rodney."

"Fine." Perry said.

Rodney ran past at that moment, triumphantly holding his latest –izer over his head. "You can't catch up to me NOOWW, Carrie the cat!"

"I'LL SLICE YOU TO RIBBONS!" Carrie yowled, baring her teeth.

She turned back to Perry. "Um… thank you."

She tore after Rodney, hissing angrily.

* * *

Perry stepped into the small office Monogram had given Carl. It was really an extra storage closet, but Perry wasn't going to be the one to burst Carl's bubble.

A female fennec fox sat behind a tiny cardboard box that apparently served as a secretary's desk. She was watching a video on her computer.

"Um… hi."

The fennec fox blew a brightly-colored gum bubble. "You got something for Carl?"

"Yes. Are you his secretary?"

"Yeah." She pointed at a homemade paper nameplate that said LODI on it. "What's your name?"

"Perry."

"I'd write that down, but I misplaced my notepad." She said flatly. "You got an appointment?"

"Carl… doesn't take appointments. He's an intern."

"Huh. Learn something new every day." Lodi chewed her gum thoughtfully. "Whadd'you got for him?"

"This form. From Agent C." Perry handed the folder to Lodi.

"Who's it for?" Lodi asked.

Perry pointed at the word CARL. "Carl." He said slowly.

"I can read." Lodi said, annoyed. "Fine. I'll get this to Collin when he gets back."

"Carl."

"Whatever." Lodi went back to watching her video.

Carl came into his office a second later. "Oh, hello, Agent P! How do you like my new secretary? Monogram promoted me to Top Paid Intern today! Without pay, of course."

Perry blinked. "Um, Lodi, he's back."

"Who's back?" Lodi didn't take her eyes off her computer.

Perry picked up the folder and handed it to Carl.

"Oh, Agent C's file." Carl said. "Great. Thanks, Agent P."

* * *

"Come ON, Phineas! Let's GO!"

Perry stood and watched as Candace dragged a protesting Phineas out the door.

Phineas grabbed the sides of the doorframe as they passed through. "I can't, Candace. I told you. We're going to Little Duffers with Isabella and Buford and Baljeet."

"You can go TOMORROW."

"No, we can't." Phineas said without the slightest sign of frustration. "Buford's taking Biff to the waterpark and Baljeet has a summer school class. Hey, maybe Perry can do it."

"Do what?" Perry asked suspiciously.

Candace shook her head. "No way. That thing?"

"Sure. Perry, you know how to ice skate, right?"

"Part of my training."  
"Candace has a date at the ice rink with Jeremy tomorrow and she wants to get better at ice skating." Phineas said, finally letting go of the doorframe. He and Candace tumbled back and landed on the doorstep with a loud thump.

"By 'better' do you mean learning techniques, or actually skating without landing on your butt?"

Candace glared at him. "I liked you better when you didn't talk."

"Um… I guess just teach her what she doesn't know." Phineas said.

"I can't walk around the ice rink with a platypus!" Candace said.

"Fine, you can slide around on your butt until I teach you how." Perry teased.

"People tend to not notice him when he's wearing clothing." Phineas said. "People in Danville are used to weird things. You're gonna wear your scarf, right, Perry?"

"I am NOT-" Candace sighed. "Fine. But only because I'm desperate."

"I don't remember volunteering." Perry said.

"Come on, Perry." Phineas said quietly. "Please? It won't take up too much of your time."

"Gahh, fine." Perry grumbled. Why was everyone suddenly asking for favors just because he didn't happen to be working or heading to Little Duffers?

* * *

"Okay. Just let go of my hand when you think you can keep yourself upright."

"I hope no one sees me." Candace said, disgusted. She slowly let go of Perry's hand. "Hey, I'm doing it!"

Candace skated across the ice and smashed directly into the wall of the rink.

Perry skated over to her to help her up. "And that brings us to part two of the lesson: Stopping."

Candace growled at him and got back up on her feet. "How do YOU know how to ice skate, anyways?"

"Doofenshmirtz taught me."

"Why?"

"There was an ice-skating party for the members of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N and his eighteenth girlfriend had just broken up with him, and he didn't want to go alone. So he spent the whole afternoon before the party teaching me how to not fall down. Even during the party, I was pretty much holding onto the corner of his sweater the whole time, but I got the hang of it."

"I'm a failure." Candace whined.

"You're doing good." Perry insisted. "You just have to stay focused and keep trying-"

"Ohmygosh. Jeremy's here." Candace said. "Pretend we don't know each other."

"You're being ridiculous." Perry said. "Just ignore him. He probably won't come over here. Now, to stop, you just-"

"I can't let him see me NOW!" Candace wailed. "If he sees I don't know how to ice skate…"

"Hey. Listen to me." Perry whirled her around to face him. "For whatever crazy reason, that guy likes you for who you are. And he's not gonna care whether you can ice skate or not. Just keep being yourself and-"

"He's coming over here. He saw you with me. Quick, pretend I'm teaching YOU how to ice skate. And hold me up."

"Perhaps I should have worded that differently." Perry grumbled.

"Hey, Candace." Jeremy said. "Who's your friend?"

"This is… Fred." Candace said.

Perry rolled his eyes.

"Cool." Jeremy said. "Are you here to get ready for our date tomorrow?"

"Well, I don't really need any practice." Candace said, laughing nervously. "But Fred- he's one of Phineas's friends- doesn't know how to ice skate."

"What's ice skating?" Perry supplied. Candace nudged him hard in the side. Perry caught her as she stumbled.

"What's he saying?" Jeremy asked.

"He's just speaking some stupid language he and my brothers made up. Ignore him."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you tomorrow." Jeremy skated away.

"See you tomorrow!" Candace said.

"Fred?" Perry asked.

"It's a good name." Candace snapped. "Now walk me back."

Perry helped her to the end of the rink. They headed out.

"You sure you don't want to practice some more? You were really getting the hang of it."

"What do you know? I was doing horrible." Candace moaned. "You don't know a thing about ice skating."

Offended, Perry stopped walking. "Well, I'm sorry I wasted your time. I should have just stayed home and watched television."

"I'm gonna get Ferb to teach me." Candace retorted. "At least HE doesn't make smart remarks when I fall down!"

"My cow." Perry spat. He turned and headed in another direction.


	5. Chapter 5

"Where's Perry?" Phineas asked.

"How should I know?" Candace sat down next to him on the sofa and sulked.

"Um… well, you guys did leave the house together to go to the same place, so I was assuming you'd come back at the same time. Did he wander off or something?"

Candace shrugged. "Why are you guys home so early?"

"Little Duffers was closed. They had to repaint the T-rex."

"Good." Candace said. "Does Ferb have time to teach me how to skate without falling down?"

Phineas changed the channel on the television. A commercial with a dancing walrus came on. "I thought Perry was teaching you."

"He wasn't very good." Candace said. "He kept telling me how not to fall down instead of paying attention to the fact that Jeremy was right there watching us! And he didn't even tell me how to skate, he just kept saying 'When you get the feel for it, try it'. And I smashed into the wall. And then he just stormed off after I told him I was going to get Ferb to teach me because he obviously didn't know anything about teaching me."

"Um…" Phineas began.

"Um what?" Candace asked.

"Well, it's just… you probably should have, um, yeah… listened to what he was saying. Ice skating really is something you have to get your own feel for."

"Oh." Candace said. "Well, okay. I still don't get why he had to be so cranky about it, though. If I wasn't listening, he should have told me."

"And you should probably apologize to him." Phineas said.

"Me?" Candace stared at him. "HE should have told me to…"

"You probably hurt his feelings." Phineas said. "He doesn't really forgive people so easily."

"He's an animal, he'll get over it." Candace muttered.

"Well, Candace, he did take time out of his day to teach you. He was doing you a favor."

"You're right." Candace sighed. "How can I get him to forgive me?"

"You'll figure it out." Phineas said.

"That's helpful." Candace said sarcastically.

* * *

Perry padded into the boys' bedroom, his fur still slightly damp.

"Where were you?" Phineas asked.

"In the bathtub." Perry said.

"That was you?" Ferb said. "The water ran for so long."

"You were in the bathtub for two whole hours?" Phineas asked.

Perry ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah. I took a different way home than Candace."

"Did you fall asleep or something?" Ferb asked.

Perry shook his head.

"What were you doing in the bathroom for two hours?" Phineas asked.

"Putting my head under the water spout." Perry said.

"For two hours?" Phineas asked.

"I thought we established that." Perry said irritably.

He had discovered that resting his head against the bathtub under the waterspout calmed him down. If he closed his eyes, the warm water would just run down his neck and across the sides of his face without getting up his nose. He would forget where he was. It was kind of like falling asleep without having to worry about going unconscious. As long as his head didn't start hurting from resting against the wall of the bathtub, he could sit there for hours.

And two hours were nothing.

He stayed there for five hours when Terrence died.

"Perry, you couldn't have been THAT upset about what Candace said." Phineas said.

"It's not like I don't have anything ELSE going on." Perry snapped. He flopped down on his pet bed and pulled the cover over his head.

"Aw, what happened?" Phineas asked.

"Don't wanna talk about it. Except, if you ever need Darren's help for anything, count him out, because he's dumb enough to think 'Lighten up, can't you take a joke?' is an apology. Goodnight."

* * *

"Perry! Perry, wake up. Are you okay?"

Perry opened his eyes. Both boys were standing over him.

"Am I bleeding or something?" Perry spat.

"You were whimpering a lot." Phineas said.

Perry got up, rubbing his eyes. "Nightmare."

"That's your fifth one this week." Phineas said.

"Whatever." Perry turned away from them.

"I'll get you a cup of water." Ferb said. He ran downstairs.

"What was it, Perry?" Phineas asked.

"It's stupid now." Perry said. "Some person just sent Lawrence and Linda a letter saying you were such smart kids and so they hired the person to babysit you and the person kept yelling at you and making you feel bad and then… I don't know, they somehow changed you. Like suddenly the person was your parent and who knows where Lawrence and Linda went, and you guys turned all sad and stopped building stuff and took up alchemy or something."

"We already know alchemy." Phineas said with a shrug.

"Anyway, it's stupid now, but… I don't know. I feel like it happened." Perry sighed.

"Our parents aren't gonna turn us over to some psycho person just because of a letter."

"How do you know?"

"Perry, it was just a dream."

"You're right." Perry wrapped his blanket around himself. "You're right. I shouldn't get so worked up. I feel… I feel like someone just sucked out all my insides."

"Perry, you're doing that again."

"Sucking out my insides?"

"No, you're doing that thing again where you get upset because a bunch of things happened at once."

"I think that's called 'getting upset when something bad happens'." Perry said. "It's a natural reaction. You ever had it?"

"Just don't let it get to you." Phineas said.

"It was a stupid nightmare and I hate it." Perry muttered.

Ferb came back with a glass of water. "Compliments of my cow."

Perry took it and drank it gratefully. "Thanks, guys. Sorry I'm being so… weird."

"Don't worry, Perry. If anyone tries to come in the house and replace our parents, kick them out on the street."

"And then build a spaceship and send them off to Betelgeuse." Phineas said.

"Bageljuice?" Perry asked.

"We know our stars." Phineas said.

"But we don't know astrology." Ferb said.

"That's what you took up." Perry said. "Astrology, or something. Not alchemy."

"That's weird." Ferb said.

"Dreams are weird." Perry said.

* * *

"Oh, Carrie Kaboodles!"

"Oh, Devon Woodles!"

Pinky turned away.

"Give them a few days, then they'll be sick of each other." Darren said.

"Has Perry forgiven you yet?" Pinky asked.

"Of course not. Per's stubborn as a mule." Darren said.

Morriston the mule glared at him.

"Sorry, Morriston." Darren said.

Morriston angrily chewed up his lunch.

"Have you apologized yet?" Pinky asked.

"What's there to apologize for? It was just a joke. He'll get over it and laugh."

"You should apologize." Pinky said. "Perry's very sensitive. And you were kinda mean."

"I was not." Darren said.

Pinky looked at him.

"Oh… I guess I was, come to think of it." Darren frowned. "Do we know where he is?"

"Come to the O.W.C.A dance!" Marlow the mouse said, placing a small flyer on the middle of the table. "Remember, only O.W.C.A agents allowed to attend!"

"Oh, great." Darren said. "Now I have to find a date for the dance. And I am NOT taking Peter again like at the Halloween party last year."

"Oh, Devvy Doodles! Our first dance as a couple!" Carrie said excitedly, picking up the flyer.

"Yeah." Devon said, with a nervous laugh. "Should be fun."

Darren and Pinky looked at each other.

"I have to go fight Rodney. See you." Carrie gave Devon a kiss on the cheek and left.

Devon smiled at Darren and Pinky.

"You already asked someone else, didn't you?" Darren said.

"No." Devon said. "Tina the terrier asked ME a long time ago, before Carrie and I ever started dating. I promised her." Devon slammed his head down on the table.

"We can fix this." Pinky said. "Maybe I could ask Tina to the dance, and she'll break her date with you."

"Isn't Tina the crazy ex you had who chased you around the agency with a lawnmower after you broke up with her?" Devon asked.

"Oh… right." Pinky said. "I don't even remember dating her. I must have repressed those memories. Darren, you ask her."

"Heck, no. I don't want to get crushed by a lawnmower!"

"She's actually not so bad so long as you don't get her angry." Devon said. "But I'm doomed. I can't tell Carriebear. She'll be so upset. And I can't break it off with Tina…"

"Or she'll kill you." Darren finished. "Do you think Perry will get even angrier with me if I ask his ex to the dance?"

"She doesn't work here anymore." Pinky said. "She had to quit to take care of her pups."

"Dang." Darren said. "Poppy was the only female around here I knew besides Carrie."

"Hey, you could ask Carrie out!" Devon said. "Then I could go with Tina and… Wait… don't you DARE ask my girlfriend out!"

"I'll find you a date and help Dev lose one." Pinky said. "But I expect some sort of favors in return."

* * *

"…and then they took up astrology or something and were doing that all miserably until they woke me up. And I just felt so sad after that. And I don't want to be sad. I'm on vacation. We're going on a family trip soon. I want to be happy."

Lowe scrutinized his notes. "So you know, I don't believe that dream you had last night is anything you need to worry about. The car dream, however, means you feel like you can't control something in your life. Do you know what it is?"

Perry shook his head.

"What color was the car?"

"I don't know. Wait… silver. A silver van. And it was huge. I was walking around in it no problem."

"Have you been upset about something lately?"

"Upset? …Yeah. Candace got mad at me yesterday. And Darren… he's acting like the jerk he used to be back before we were friends. And I'm just so… sad. You know that bathtub thing I told you about? I did that again. Two hours."

"Water calms you." Lowe said.

"Yeah… apparently." Perry said.

"Have you been losing your temper with people you don't normally get angry with?"

"Yes." Perry said, surprised. "Phineas was all worried about me yesterday, and I just kept feeling angry with him for being worried. I wanted him to stop talking. And then when he did, I got mad at him for not talking."

"You have a close circle of friends." Lowe said. "And when one hurts you, it really hurts because- I think I'll delve into this later when you're more stable emotionally. But I think it would do you good to get away from people for a while, so you're ready to socialize again when you feel better."

"Sure, I'll just hop on the train to the nearest area with no population." Perry said sarcastically.

"My twin sister never uses her beach house." Lowe said. "She prefers to live in a cardboard box in Carl's closet, so she gave it to me. You could stay there for as long as you need."

"I wouldn't want to use one of your houses." Perry said. "I'd feel intrusive."

"Don't worry about that." Lowe said. "You could paint the walls or throw things around and it wouldn't matter."

"I can't." Perry said. "I'd feel… I don't know."

Lowe wrote something down on a slip of paper and handed it to Perry.

"You're _prescribing_ me to go?" Perry asked. "Isn't there some kind of penalty for misusing these slips?"

"Doesn't matter the type of medicine, so long as it works." Lowe said. "Directions are on the back."


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay, Darren. You can do this." Pinky said. "Just walk up to her, and say…"

"Helga the horse, will you go to the dance with me?" Darren said.

"Very good." Pinky said. "And don't forget the flowers."

Pinky handed Darren three flowers. He watched Darren walk up to the gray horse agent.

Pinky couldn't hear what they were saying, but Helga appeared to be interested. She took the flowers from Darren and smiled at them.

Darren walked back to Pinky.

"Did she say yes?" Pinky asked.

"She said she was already going with Bryce the bull, but she wanted the flowers." Darren said. "At least she'll have those."

Helga opened her mouth and chomped the flowers down in one bite.

"Well, horses do like flowers." Pinky said. He looked down at his checklist. "Let's see: Miranda's taken, Lucie's taken, Rhonda can't stand you, Becky's taken, Alena died two years ago in that spoon-related accident, Lodi thought you were selling cupcakes, and Helga's taken. That leaves twenty-nine more we haven't asked. And we still have to ask all the male agents if they want to take Tina to the dance to get her out of Devon's hair. Hey, I just remembered. I have to get a date to the dance."

"Whichever one is still free after we find me one's yours." Darren said.

"Say that again slower." Pinky said.

"Hey, we haven't asked Doris yet." Darren said, pointing at a wolf walking toward them. She had a tie-dyed ribbon tied around her fedora, and her gaze appeared to be elsewhere.

"Doris, you have a date yet?" Pinky asked.

Doris blinked and turned to look at him. "No."

"Well, how about Darren?" Pinky asked.

Doris looked at Darren. "Sorry. The spirits say that I can only be accompanied by males born in the summer during this month. The stars will become unbalanced otherwise."

"I sure hope you never get married." Darren said under his breath.

"I was born in the summer." Pinky said.

"But your zodiac isn't in line at the moment." Doris said, looking at the small zodiac calendar she had drawn on her paw. "I apologize. And your friend Devon… I sense conflict in his future. Tell him to only wear purple for the next few days." She padded away.

"Well, I guess that was the spirits' way of telling us that we don't want to sit through THAT all night." Pinky crossed Doris's name off his list. "Next is Katie the kangaroo, but I'm pretty sure Kyle's going to ask her. Tina is currently taken by Devon, hopefully by someone else later… Hey, Perry! What are you doing here?"

"Heading out." Perry muttered. He pushed past Pinky and Darren and kept walking.

"Wait, Perry! Do you have a date for the O.W.C.A dance yet?" Pinky called. "Devon's accidentally taking both Tina and Carrie- aaannnnd he's gone."

"I didn't even get a chance to apologize." Darren said.

"Or ask him if he'd take Tina." Pinky said.

* * *

Perry stared out at the ocean from the deck of the beach house. He had to admit, it was very comforting to feel the breeze and hear the water.

It was almost like being in the bathtub.

Perry turned away from the ocean and entered the beach house again to unpack his things. He had only brought a few books and some of his favorite foods, as well as his Snugglebear.

He hoped it would be enough. He didn't want to have to go back home for something he'd forgotten.

...

"Sorry, Rocky's taking me." Erica the ermine said.

"That's fine." Darren mumbled. He trudged back to Pinky. "Why can't I find a date?"

"Because they're all taken." Pinky looked at his checklist. "Hey, maybe I'll ask Rhonda."

"YEAY!" Baby Ned the narwhal waddled into the room with some of his friends. "I GOTTED A DATETTY FOR THE DANCILY!"

"YAY FOR NED!" The new recruits clapped.

"Even NED has a date for the dance, and he's not even potty-trained!" Darren complained.

"It happens." Pinky said.

"Hello." Said a voice. "I'm new here. Do you think you could help me?"

Darren and Pinky turned.

A white swan wearing a fedora was looking at them. "My name is Serah the swan. That's S-E-R-A-H, not S-A-R-A."

"N-nice to meet me." Darren said, holding out his wing.

Pinky rolled his eyes.

"I just wanted to know, what's the O.W.C.A dance?"

"Yeah… what's the O.W.C.A dance?" Darren stammered, looking at Pinky.

"It's a dance for O.W.C.A agents." Pinky said. "You can go with dates only from the agency. It's just kind of a friendly thing where everyone has a good time together."

"Oh." Serah said. "I hope I can find someone to go with. I'm new here, you know."

Pinky nudged Darren.

"Uh… Serah with an E and an H, would… you like to go with me?" Darren said nervously.

Serah smiled. "Oh, I would love to! How nice. My second week on the job and I already meet some nice people here. See you then!" She strutted away.

"YYYEEESSS!" Darren said, pumping his fist. "I have a date! And she's gorgeous!"

"Good job, Darren." Pinky said. "Now let's find a date for Tina."

* * *

"Only two days before the dance, and I'm still bringing two people." Devon hung his head. "What am I gonna do?"

"Dev, just tell Tina you're devoted to Carrie now." Pinky said.

"Pinky? Lawnmower?" Darren said.

"Right." Pinky said. "Never mind. Just… get Tina to go with someone else. Someone…"

"Hotter, more popular, and smarter." Darren said.

Pinky kicked Darren.

"Yeah. But I don't think Perry will go for it." Devon said.

"I still have to find a date, by the way." Pinky said. "You guys are gonna help me look, right?"

"Who did you go with last year?" Devon asked.

"Lizzy the lizard." Pinky said. "…Oh, that's right, I haven't asked her yet. I'll be right back."

Pinky stood up and left. Devon gave a dramatic sigh.

* * *

Perry crawled under the sheets and pulled out a novel. He felt very comfortable, being fresh out of a shower with a fan blowing on him, hearing the sounds of the ocean.

He began to read.

 _The rain pattered on the windowsill._

 _Christina Ann pried the curtains apart ever-so slightly, her long, elegant fingers slipping into the folds of the cloth. Her dark hair fell over her left shoulder in a long, sweeping movement._

 _Her cherry-red lips parted, and a single whisper slid out, betraying her will._

 _"Him."_

 _He was there, standing in the darkness. She could feel his presence. The long, wide shoulders that seemed to loom over her…_

What the heck was he reading?

Perry closed the novel and looked at the front.

" _THE STRANGER IN THE WOODS_ ".

Now it made sense. His suitcase was in the back of the boys' closet, along with the stack of books Phineas stole from Martin O'Riley out of spite. One of them must have accidentally fallen into the open suitcase.

Perry put it on the floor and picked up the next book.

 _"Hi," Said Stanley._

 _He was walking over to his friend Lisa. Lisa had blonde hair that was like the color of blonde hair._

 _"Hi, Stanley." She said. She was bent over her book like a surgeon over his patient during open-heart surgery. "How are you?"_

 _"I'm doing good." Stanley said, puffing out his chest like a lizard puffs out its neck._

 _"Cool." Said Lisa, closing her book like a jailer closes the cell door when a prisoner is inside._

Perry frowned and turned the book over.

" _I HATE MY ENGLISH TEACHER BY BUFORD VAN STOMM_ ".

Perry vaguely remembered Ferb being assigned to write a story containing analogies. Buford must have had the same assignment and asked the boys to publish his book.

Perry sighed. Spiteful children weren't giving him a lot of reading material.

He sighed and dug around in his suitcase again, finally finding the novel he had been trying to read during his break.

"Take forty-seven. Please don't be a romantic analogy novel."

He cracked it open and began to read.


	7. Chapter 7

A knock sounded at the door.

"I'm busy." Perry shouted. He went back to organizing seashells he had found on the beach.

So far he had eight clamshells, six scallops, an oyster shell, and ten other random shells. He wasn't sure what animals had once owned them, but they were pretty colors.

Perry arranged a circle out of the clamshells and placed the oyster shell in the middle. He still wasn't sure what he'd do with the shells. Make a collar?

The knock sounded again, startling him. "I thought you were gone."

"I must ask something." Came a slightly familiar voice.

Perry stood up and opened the door. A wolf wearing a fedora trimmed with a tie-dyed fabric and a dreamcatcher collar was standing outside. She smelled strongly of herbal tea.

"…Davine." Perry said, after a moment of hesitation.

"Doris." The wolf said.

"Right. You took my fortune once. At that carnival thingy."  
Doris nodded. "You do not have a date for the O.W.C.A dance. You were born in the summer under the correct zodiac sign for this week. Would you consider going with me?"

"Um… I don't get what you just said, but if you're asking me to the O.W.C.A dance, I wasn't planning on going. My shrink says I have to stay away from people for a while, and I don't like parties."  
Doris's gaze fell to the ground. "No matter. Sorry to have bothered you from your shells."

"Listen… don't be upset. I guess I could go for like, a couple of songs." Perry said. "It's tomorrow, right?"

Doris nodded. "Thank you. Go back to your water and shells. They're good for your mind."

She headed down the stairs.

"Just… one thing, Doris. How did you know I was here?"

Doris blinked at him. "You had the aura of anger and frustration when you were last at the agency. Platypuses thrive on both land and water, not just one or the other. With that in mind, and the way your stars are arranged, I assumed you'd come to a beach to soothe yourself."

"…Ah." Perry said.

"And I asked Lowe." She added.

* * *

Perry used his bill to dig around in the sand.

He was very happy, swimming in the ocean. The saltwater felt good against his tail and feet. His water-tight fur was doing its job. He wouldn't have to worry too much about drying himself.

Perry uncovered a shrimp lying in the sand.

"Hello." Said the shrimp.

Perry gave a muffled purr in greeting. "What are you doing?"

"My friends Sylvia Shrimp and Sukie Shrimp are playing Funeral with me." The shrimp said. "They pretend I'm dead and pretend bury me and then we have a pretend funeral. But you dug me up, so now I am a pretend zombie."

"Are you okay when you're buried?"

"Yes. The sand is ventilated with water air."

"Okay then." Perry swam on, nearly colliding with a giggling stingray who was swimming away from another stringray.

"SERENA!" The chasing stingray yelled, its call echoing through the water. "YOU HAVE TO COME EAT DINNER!"

Perry saw a deep, pitch-black cavern sitting a few meters away from him, deep in the sand. He took care to swim around it.

"Please!"

Perry turned around. A very nervous-looking seahorse was floating next to his face.

Perry was surprised at how tiny it was. He had never actually seen a seahorse before, but he'd always imagined them to be about the size of Phineas.

Instead, the seahorse was about as big as his hind foot.

"My mommydaddy is the only family I have left." The seahorse said.

"Your what?"

"My mommydaddy. Mommydaddy is in trouble." The seahorse said. "Mommydaddy needs help or mommydaddy will die."

"Shall Master bring Mommydaddy a sock?" Perry asked. He wished the seahorse would start making sense.

The seahorse pointed with its tail into the dark chasm. Perry could see a shark circling the rim, and very deep in the bottom, he saw a tiny speck.

"Is that your… parent?" Perry asked.

"Parent." The young seahorse said, trying out the new word. "My parent went down because there was a pretty thing and then the shark appeared and now my parent can't get out and it's dangerous in the chasm."

Perry surveyed the scene. He was constantly forced to evade laser sharks at the agency, because Monogram kept forgetting to turn them off, but they weren't any real danger unless they happened to burn a hole through you. Wild sharks were something else entirely. If they weren't injured or hungry, you had a pretty good chance of getting past them, but… circling wasn't a good sign.

"Parent." The seahorse said sadly.

"All right." Perry said. "I'm gonna try and go get him. If I fail, find someone to help."

"You or me?" The seahorse said.

Perry swam down into the chasm. The shark continued to circle.

The pressure began to hurt his ears. Perry ignored his body's persistent warnings and continued to plunge downward.

He was close enough now that the shark could sense his presence. It didn't look up, but it made a small noise that clearly meant "Who are you and why are you here".

Perry stared at the shark. He could memorize the pattern of the circle and slip by, but that was pretty risky, and Perry didn't believe he could swim fast enough in the high pressure to get through before the shark came around again. Going in through the middle of the circle was suicide, the shark could simply turn earlier and bite.

Perry tested his swimming speed. It was significantly lower than before, with the water pushing against him instead of swimming with him.

He would have to risk it.

The tiny seahorse was looking up at him curiously, probably wondering why a creature would be so stupid as to go down a dark chasm with a shark in it.

Perry kept his eyes on the seahorse. He forced himself to go down toward it, despite his body's desperate protests. Any deeper and the pressure would make him crazy.

Perry felt the shark's tail brush past him. Adrenaline helped him rush forward. He closed his hands around the seahorse, leaving space for the creature to poke its head out between his fingers.

"I must return to my daughterson." The seahorse said.

"I know." Perry said.

He turned and swam slowly upward, hovering for a moment a few feet under the shark. He had nothing to focus on here, and he had no idea how he managed to get past the shark the first time.

"Oh, I know!" The seahorse said loudly. "It's orangutan sneakers, isn't it?"  
"Yes." The shark said. He swam up to the top of the chasm and vanished.

Perry looked at the seahorse. "Wh… what?"

"The password." Said the seahorse. "Stanley James the shark is my very best friend. Every day we play jailer and we go into this chasm and Stanley James pretends he is a jailer and I am a prisoner, and I have to guess the password. If I can't guess it I just say 'Stanley James, I can't guess the password' and then he says 'Okay' and then we go to explore the ocean together with my daughterson, Gregory Anne."

What was with the ocean animals playing such weird games?

"So you were never in any real danger?" Perry asked.

"Oh, no. Some people think Stanley James is mean because he is a shark, but he is a very nice shark. He has tea parties with Christopher Andy the Clownfish and they drink sea-water tea and then have seaweed sandwiches together."

"But your daughters- Gregory Anne said you would die."

"While I play jailer with Stanley James, Gregory Anne plays damsel in distress with anyone she can find. And today it was you. Thank you for playing with my daughterson."

* * *

"Mommydaddy, you have been saved!" Gregory Anne said happily.

"Gregory Ann, my dearest of daughtersons." The seahorse said, floating over to its child. "Did you thank this beaverduck for playing with you today?"

"Thank you, Beaverduck." Said Gregory Anne. "Would you like to explore the ocean with me and my parent?"

"I have to hover for a bit." Perry said. "You know, because I had to go down a deep chasm."  
"Is Stanley James going to explore the ocean with us?" Gregory Anne asked.

"No, he is having sea-water tea with Christopher Andy." The seahorse said.

The two seahorses floated away.

"There's an hour I'll never get back." Perry muttered. He swam toward an area of rocks and continued exploring.

* * *

Perry climbed out of the sea and began to roll around in the sand. The sand stuck to his damp fur.

He felt happy and refreshed, with no muscle pain after the Stanley James incident, which was a relief. He wondered why he didn't come to the beach more often.

Perry sat up and gazed at the sunset. He hadn't realized he'd been out so long.

He had a brief moment of panic before remembering that it didn't matter.

He was on vacation.

Perry gave a satisfied sigh and curled up in the sand, watching the waves crash against the shoreline.

* * *

"Look, Ferb. I found platypuses in your Book of Mammals." Phineas set down a large book on the floor. "It has lots of platypus facts. I wonder if Perry knows them all."

"Well, seeing as he is a platypus…" Ferb began.

"But I'm a human, and I don't even know everything about humans." Phineas said. "Like, what is that back part of your knee called?"

Ferb thought for a moment. "A knee armpit."

Phineas laughed. "Oh, come on, Ferb. They wouldn't call it a knee armpit."

"A kneepit." Ferb said.

Phineas began to read the book. "Platypuses are egg-laying mammals called monotremes. They only live in Australia… hey, that's not true. There are at least seventy platypuses in Danville."

"Danville is indeed a unique place." Ferb said.

Phineas kept reading. "Platypuses are semi-aquatic mammals, so they swim to hunt for their food. They use electrosensors in their bills to find food. The males have venomous spurs on their back feet. The females only have venom spurs when they are babies. Baby platypuses have a full set of teeth, but their teeth fall out when they reach adulthood. …I wonder why Perry has all his teeth."

"Late bloomer." Ferb said.

"Female platypuses sweat milk to feed their young. Platypuses mate by…"

"I don't think Perry would want us to read that part." Ferb said.

"I miss Perry." Phineas said. "Do you think he's okay? He seemed so upset."

"Maybe he's having his mid-life crisis." Ferb said. "We should build him a sports car so he doesn't have to go out and buy one."

"I know what we should do." Phineas said. "We should do something to thank Perry for who he is. We should throw a party for him."

"A party?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah. For when he comes home from the beach. We'll put up balloons and streamers and bake him your famous chocolate cake."

"And build him a sports car." Ferb said.

"Perry is NOT having a mid-life crisis, Ferb." Phineas said.

"And we can have music and cake and a big card that says 'Thank You Perry'." Ferb said. "And make his favorite cookies."

"And we can let him have breakfast in bed under his favorite blanket."

"And build a sports car."

Phineas raised an eyebrow. "Ferb, do you want to build a sports car today?"

Ferb nodded.

"Well, why didn't you just say so? Let's draw up the blueprints."


	8. Chapter 8

"You ready?" Pinky asked, his paw on the door handle of the O.W.C.A.

Charlisse the chameleon nodded and straightened her dress. She was wearing a long dress made of some kind of shimmering fabric that caused the colors to shift.

Pinky hoped her flashy dress would make it easier to find her in a crowd. Being a chameleon, Charlisse often disappeared into the background.

Pinky opened the door.

The theme of the dance was 'Evening in Rome', and the O.W.C.A had been appropriately decorated. The dimly lit room was filled with fake vendor carts and even a small fountain. There was a cardboard cutout of the Colosseum, in front of which stood Rocky the raccoon wearing a gladiator helmet.

"They did pretty good, didn't they, Charlisse?" Pinky turned to his date, who was no longer standing there.

"Did you come alone?" Devon asked, walking in with Carrie. He was wearing a bright purple tuxedo, and Carrie was in a sparkly red dress with matching heels.

"No, I came with Charlisse, but I misplaced her." Pinky said.

"She might be blended in somewhere with her friends." Peter the panda said, holding a glass of punch. "Or anywhere in this room. Shall I throw some punch around at random objects until I find her?"

"No, that's fine." Pinky said. "I'll look for her myself."

"Good, because I'd rather drink my punch." Peter downed his glass and ambled away.

"I should go get us some punch, Carrie Darling." Devon said quickly, speeding across the room and vanishing into a crowd of dancing agents.

"He's so cute like that." Carrie gushed. "He's been running around nervously all week. Normally that would make me nervous, but he's just so cute when he does it."

"PURPLE?" Pinky heard Tina shouting from across the room.

"What was that?" Carrie asked. "It scares me when people shout 'Purple' from across a crowded room."

"I'll go check it out." Pinky said. He headed toward the screaming.

He found Tina yelling at Devon by the punch bowl. "How DARE you wear purple? I HATE PURPLE! It was the color of the collar of my stupid ex-boyfriend! GO FIND ANOTHER DANCE PARTNER!"

"Okay." Devon said cheerfully. He poured a glass of punch and headed back to Carrie.

Tina glared at Pinky. "Oh, it's you. This night just got even BETTER. Now I don't even have anyone to dance with."

"I'll dance with you, Tina." Peter said, coming up behind her. "My date forgot to show up."

"Okay." Tina said. She followed Peter onto the dance floor.

* * *

Perry looked at his watch for the seventeenth time. He wondered if Doris's zodiacs had lined up incorrectly with the stars and made her think the dance started later.

He was about to go in himself when he saw Doris running toward him.

"Sorry." Doris said. "I took a nap and accidentally set my alarm for the wrong time."

"You look nice." Perry said.

Doris was wearing a tie-dyed purple sweater with a matching wool skirt and cloth headband. She was also wearing her dream-catcher collar.

"All of my dresses are long." Doris said. "I preferred this."

"We could have worn whatever we wanted?" Perry asked.

"Yes." Doris smiled at him. "But your tux looks nice."

"I'm gonna accidentally pour punch on it and have an excuse to take it off." Perry said. "Well, shall we head in?"

"Sure." Doris said.

He took her paw and led her inside. They immediately ran into Carrie, who looked panicked.

"Charlisse is missing." Carrie said.

"Charlisse is ALWAYS missing, Carrie." Perry said.

"We have to find her!" Carrie said. "She and Pinky are needed on the dance floor for the 'Couples Whose Species Start With The Same Letter' dance!"

"Pinky's a dog." Perry said.

"No, he's a Chihuahua." Carrie said. "Doris, come join our search party. All the girls are looking for Charlisse. I'll have your date back to you in a minute, Perry."

Carrie grabbed Doris's hand and they streaked off. Perry shrugged and went over to the punch bowl.

He was surprised to see Lowe standing there with a glass of punch.

"I didn't know you came to these things." Perry said.

"I could say the same for you." Lowe said with a smile.

"Yeah… not really my thing, but someone asked me, so I kind of had to." Perry said. "What's your excuse?"

"I help set up." Lowe said. "I used to come with my twin sister, but she found a date this time. Unfortunately, she didn't remember the dance was tonight."

"Who'd she almost go with?"

Lowe pointed at Peter, who was talking with Tina.

"Wait." Perry put a hand to his head. "Your sister… your TWIN sister… is Lodi?"

Lowe nodded. "It appears strange to some people that we're so different."

"Well, yeah, I know twins aren't the same and all. My twin's practically my opposite. But… it's just… she's so…"

"Oblivious and incompetent?" Lowe smiled. "Probably because of our early childhood. She only hears what she wants to hear."

"The beach thing's great, by the way." Perry said. "I haven't even thought about my problems in a while."

"Good to hear." Lowe said.

"Perry." Darren tapped on him. "I'm really-"

"Thirsty, yeah. I'll get out of your way." Perry shoved past Lowe and went back into the crowd.

Darren followed him. "Perry, about that call-"

Perry whirled around. "Forget it, Darren. Just forget it."

"Perry, I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry. I didn't realize I'd hurt your feelings so badly. I was being stupid."

Perry looked down.

"I promise I won't do it again."

"Good." Perry said.

"Do you want to have dinner? They serve it after the fourth dance. You can sit with Serah and me, and bring your date. You do have a date, right?"

Perry nodded. "Fine."

Darren looked relieved. "Thanks."

Perry turned and collided with something in a shimmery dress. "Oh, Charlisse. Everyone's looking for you."

"Oh." Charlisse said, dissolving back into the color green.

"There you are!" Carrie grabbed Charlisse. "Pinky's waiting for you!"

* * *

"So, you're new to the agency?" Perry asked.

"Yes." Serah said, fluffing her feathers. "My name is Serah. That's S-E-R-A-H, not S-A-R-A."

"Wow, a knockout AND she can spell. You really hit the jackpot, Darren." Perry said.

Darren gave Perry a warning look.

"You are just adorable." Serah said, gesturing toward Doris. "I love your sweater. Where'd you get it?"

"I made it." Doris said. She appeared to be focused on reading her tealeaves.

"Shall we get some food?" Serah asked. "How about Darren and I go first to avoid losing our table?"

"Go ahead." Perry said. "I'm not that hungry, and Doris appears to be falling in love with her tea, so I think we'll be fine."

Serah and Darren left. Perry stirred his hot chocolate.

Doris closed her eyes for a moment.

"Are you feeling okay?" Perry asked.

Doris opened her eyes again and looked at him. "Neptune and Uranus, the twins. Yin and Yang, the forces that complement each other, will no longer. A great happiness and tragedy will befall. But never will they balance, no more." She closed her eyes again.

"Um… could you repeat that in English?"

Doris appeared to wake up from somewhere. "Repeat what?"

"That thing you just said."

"I made it?"

"No, that thing you said a moment ago."

Doris frowned. "I'm sorry, I don't remember. I'm sure it will come up later in conversation."

Perry doubted it.

* * *

"Game time!" Monogram shouted. "Everyone get with your dance partners and sit on the floor."

The agents obeyed. Monogram stood next to Rocky in front of the Colosseum. "We asked all of you at the beginning of the evening to write the name of your favorite game on a slip of paper. Rocky will randomly pull a slip out of his gladiator helmet, and the games will begin!"

Rocky pulled the first slip out. "Spin the Bottlenose Dolphin."

Dolly the dolphin squeaked happily.

"How do you play that?" Pinky asked.

Rocky read the slip. "Dolly the dolphin will spin around and when she stops, the two people her nose points to have to kiss."

Dolly the dolphin flopped down in the middle of the room and began to spin.

"We should have rented her as a disco ball." Perry whispered to Doris.

Dolly stopped at Sandra Unice the sea urchin.

"That's unfortunate." Perry said.

"Does Sandra Unice even have a mouth?" Darren asked.

"I don't think this game is working out." Monogram said. "What's the next one, Rocky?"

"Guess The Butt by Ned The Narwhal." Rocky read.

"YAY!" Said Baby Ned.

"This is gonna be a long night." Perry said.

* * *

"Is Pinky dancing with himself or did Charlisse vanish again?" Perry asked.

"I see an eye floating around." Doris said. "So I assume Charlisse is there."

Perry felt very awkward dancing with Doris, partially because he barely knew her, partially because he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Apparently taking a few steps forward and a few steps back qualified as dancing.

"Dances with wolves." Perry said.

Doris sort of smiled.

Perry saw Lowe dancing with his sister, who looked livid. She appeared to be talking to him very quickly.

As they got closer to each other, Perry picked up a little bit of the one-sided conversation.

"-all dressed up and when I get here, I find out the dance started like, a freaking hour ago and did you call me? No. Did you tell me? Only like three times when I was busy! You know I don't remember things when I'm busy! And now I don't have a date so I have to dance with my BROTHER like some helpless little girl who can't even find someone to go to a dance with…"

Perry grinned at Lowe.

Lowe gave him a weary smile in return and attempted to steer Lodi away from most of the crowd.

"Dance like there's no tomorrow!" Devon said, doing the worm. Carrie looked on happily.

* * *

"That was better than I thought it would be." Perry admitted. He and Doris stood under the lip of the O.W.C.A's roof. "Are you sure you don't need an umbrella? I can walk you home."

"The rain is beautiful." Doris said.

"And wet. Which is why I have an umbrella." Perry attempted to open his.

"You were confused about something I said earlier." Doris said. "That thing you asked me to repeat. What was it?"

"Something random." Perry said. "Just something about Yin and Yang and Uranus and Neptune."

Doris's eyes widened. "Oh no. I said that? To you?"

"Yes. Was it like a future-vision or something and that's why you don't remember?"

"No." Doris breathed. "Oh no. Perry, I am so, so sorry…"

Thunder crashed loudly.

"What?" Perry asked. He had finally gotten his umbrella open. "Nothing to be sorry about."

"I'm so sorry!" Doris said again. "I… I shouldn't go near people when the moon is near Jupiter…"

"Doris, there's nothing to be sorry about!"

Doris shook her head wildly and tore into the rain. Perry watched her go.

"Successful night." He muttered. "My date runs off into the pouring rain apologizing for mentioning Neptune when Jupiter is in its mid-life crisis."


	9. Chapter 9

"KROKODILE KENNY IS HAVING KRAZY FUN BEING KOOKY AND KOOL! BUY KROKODILE KENNY'S KOOLPAK TODAY!"

"I forget what the letter K is supposed to sound like now." Phineas said.

"And the letter C." Ferb said. "I haven't heard it in a while."

Phineas switched off the television. "I'm bored of commercials. Let's do something, Ferb."

"Build a second Disneyland?"

"Already done it."

"Discover another planet?"

"Meap's planet."

"How about drinking a Krokodile Kenny Koolpak?"

"Over my dead body, Ferb."

Ferb laughed. "Okay, how about making our own awesome snack? Like maybe…"

"Phantastic Pherb's Phruit Rollz." Phineas said. "No, like a fun snack that knows how to spell. And that everyone will like. Good idea, Ferb. Should we do it?"

"I'm game." Ferb said.

* * *

"I'm worse." Perry said. "I don't know why."

He was lying on the bed, facing the screen door. He could see the ocean outside.

"What happened?" Lowe asked.

Perry shook his head, and then remembered Lowe couldn't see him through the phone. "I don't know. I just woke up this morning and felt so… so empty. Like I have a million things to do and I just want to relax. But I don't have anything to do. It's so annoying. I want the feeling to go away."

"You've probably been busy for so long that it's hard for your mind to adjust." Lowe said.

"I hate it. I hate feeling so funky all the time. I just wake up in the morning, and my brain thinks, 'Hey, let's be sad today for no reason! Won't that be fun?' 'Let's stress out even though we have nothing to do!' 'Let's think about what everyone in this room could have against you!' I hate it. I'm on VACATION and I can't even relax for like, two seconds. What am I supposed to do?"

"…What were you thinking about this morning?"

"Nothing. I just woke up and was sad."

"Did the ceiling have a pattern?"

"No."

"What did you dream about last night?"

"Can't remember."

"Did anything upset you last night?"

"No."

"…I don't know if I can help you over the phone. Try to relax on the beach."

"Okay." Perry hung up and stared at the ceiling.

It did have a pattern. Perry had just forgotten.

Seashells and coral.

* * *

"Is everything ready?" Phineas whispered.

"Ready." Ferb turned out the light and hid behind the door.

They waited.

The door opened a few minutes later, and Perry walked in, dragging his suitcase.

"SURPRISE!" The boys shouted. Ferb flipped on the light, revealing presents and balloons.

"Is it my birthday again?" Perry asked sleepily.

"It's a welcome-home party!" Phineas said.

"And a thank you party." Ferb said. "For everything you've done for us."

"We missed you, Perry, and you just seemed so sad all the time." Phineas said. "So we did this for you."

"Aww, thanks boys." Perry said, pulling his suitcase over to the closet.

"You don't seem very happy." Phineas said. "Did we get the wrong color of balloons?"

"No, everything's great. I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

"How was the beach?" Ferb asked.

"Wonderful." Perry smiled. "I've always loved swimming in the ocean. I met a lot of weird creatures."

"Like nautiluses?" Phineas asked.

"No, like WEIRD creatures. Shrimp playing Funeral and seahorses playing Jail with sharks."

"Oh, weird." Phineas said. "By the way, Perry, do you want to taste a Ferbcake? They're the new snacks we made that everyone likes."

"And they're shaped like my cow." Ferb said.

"I'll have one later." Perry flopped down on the bed. "Good to be home."

"Open our card, Perry." Phineas handed Perry a large card.

Perry opened it. It began to play 'Everybody Was Judo-Sparring'.

"What do you know? They actually have cards for Secret-Agent Platypuses who went to the beach."

"The Danville card store has everything." Phineas said. "It's actually kind of creepy. I went to get Ferb one for his birthday and they had one that said it was for Brothers With Green Hair From England."

"Brothers from England or Green Hair from England?"

"Well, my hair IS from England." Ferb said.

Perry grinned and read his card. "To our favorite platypus and best pet! We love you, Perry! From Phineas, Ferb and my cow. Aww, thanks guys."

"We even got you a new super-comfy pet bed to sit on in your carrier when we go on our road trip." Phineas said. "Oh, and by the way, Perry, Ferb built a really cool sports car the other day."

"It was supposed to be for you and your mid-life crisis, but a giant green beam hit it and it shrunk." Ferb said. "So we gave it to an ant who was having a mid-life crisis instead."

Perry yawned. "D'ya guys mind if we party a little later? I'm exhausted."

"Go ahead and nap." Phineas said.

...

Perry dashed upstairs and ran into Lawrence and Linda's room.

"Lawrence!" Linda yelled. "Catch him!"

"Oh, all right, then." Lawrence looked away from his packing and bent over to pick Perry up. Perry hopped out of his reach, skidded off the edge of the bed, and blasted out of the room.

"Perry, come on!" Phineas called as Perry ran past him. "We're going on our road trip!"

Candace tried to grab Perry, but Perry turned a corner at the last minute and sped into the kitchen.

He loved playing Chase. He had played Chase with his family ever since he was a baby. Any time they were about to go somewhere and needed to put him in his pet carrier, Perry would run from them.

Phineas and Ferb got a little annoyed with Chase now that they knew Perry could understand them, but Perry wasn't going to let them stop his fun.

Ferb tried to corner him by entering the kitchen through the back door. Perry turned and scrambled back into the family room.

He slammed head-on into the screen door and fell down.

"Oh, poor Perry." Linda said, scooping him up.

Perry stared dizzily up at her. He wished both of the Lindas would stop spinning.

"Is he okay, mom?" Phineas asked.

Perry shook himself off. His head still hurt, but at least there was only one Linda holding him now.

"I'm fine." He said. "I've just been thwarted."

"He looks all right." Linda said, handing Perry to Phineas. "Go ahead and put him in his carrier."

* * *

"Snacks?" Lawrence asked.

"Check." Phineas said.

"Suitcases?"

"Check."

"Pet?"

"My cow." Ferb said.

"Check." Said Phineas.

"All right, then, I do believe we are ready to go." Lawrence turned the key in the ignition and they started off.

Candace put on her headphones.

Phineas began to talk to Ferb about sciency things Perry didn't really understand.

"You see, Ferb, it would be possible, because the neutrons can pass through without bouncing if they're in that kind of closed system with the light on."

Ferb shook his head.

"Well, I guess you're right. We'd have to have a control system for the first set of particles. But we still would be able to do it."

Ferb made some kind of hand gesture.

"There's got to be some way to stabilize the man-made elements for long enough, though. I know they only last for a second, but maybe we could create a system to make them last, I dunno, a minute or so."

"Maybe we can stabilize the capacitor and the protons and blah blah uranium." Perry mocked.

Phineas laughed. "That doesn't even make sense, Perry!"

"I'm bored." Perry said. "What am I supposed to do?"

"You could watch the TV we installed inside the back wall of your carrier." Phineas whispered.

"Or have an animal cracker." Ferb held up a small cookie shaped like a cow.

"I want an animal cracker."

Ferb fed it to him. Perry chewed it up happily.

"I wonder if they have human crackers." Phineas mused.

"They have animal crackers with frosting on them." Ferb said. "And they're the best things ever in existence."

Perry began to clean his front paw.

"It's so cool to drive through our beloved town." Phineas said, looking out the window. "See you later, Paul Bunyan's. See you later, Bobbi's Hair Salon. See you later, Little Duffer's. See you, remnants of Danville Farm. See you, Danville's Sandpaper Factory."

"…I'm gonna throw up." Perry said.

"Oh, come on, Perry. You only had one animal cracker." Phineas said.

"No, really. My stomach's killing me."

"Should we give him a Serene Pet treat?" Ferb asked.

"I don't want a Serene Pet treat. They make me sleepy." Perry was having a hard time staying calm. For some reason, he was very dizzy, and his head was replaying some memory about waking up in the medical center at the O.W.C.A and walking into the main room. Waking up, walking into the main room. Waking up, walking into the main room.

"But Perry, if you throw up, it will fly through the cage and land directly on my lap." Ferb said matter-of-factly.

"Phineas, what was in that animal cracker?" Perry asked weakly.

Ferb began to read off the ingredients.

"It's not the animal cracker, Perry. You're just carsick again." Phineas said. "Do you want me to ask mom if she can turn the air up?"

"…natural sugars, vanilla extract, and my cow." Ferb read. "No, nothing in here you're allergic to."

"I hate being in this carrier. It smells like the throwup of car trips past." Perry grumbled, adjusting his position on the cushion.

"It's clean, Perry. It's all in your imagination."

"Phineas, Perry sounds distressed. Give him a Serene Pet treat." Linda said.

"No, don't." Perry said.

"It'll make you feel better." Phineas insisted.

"Fine." Perry said, taking the treat Ferb offered him and sticking it in his mouth.

Thirty minutes later, he finally began to relax.

As the calm swept through him, Perry had a small suspicion that it wasn't all carsickness that had caused him to get so dizzy.

But what was it?

He felt himself drifting off. It was impossible to keep his eyes open any longer. He curled up on the cushion and fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Perry woke when he felt a blast of cold air hit him.

"What. The. Heck." Linda said.

It took Perry a moment to remember he was in his pet carrier. He peered out through the bars at what looked to be a one-room hotel, complete with bed, couch, kitchenette and television.

"Why are we suddenly in Antarctica?" Candace demanded.

"Feels like being born." Ferb said.

"Stop saying weird things about how well you remember being born." Candace snapped.

Ferb shrugged. "Okay, fine, but the hospital was really cold compared to-"

"Lawrence, find some way to turn the heat on." Linda said.

Perry curled his tail around himself. He was still a bit drowsy from the Serene Pet treat and hadn't fully understood what was going on.

Phineas's teeth were chattering. He huddled up next to Ferb. Perry wished he could do the same. He only had his own body heat, and it wasn't proving very sufficient.

The heat came on, and the whole family breathed a sigh of relief. Linda placed Perry's carrier on the floor and opened the door.

Perry ambled out and cautiously sniffed the air.

"Cool hotel." Phineas said. He walked over to the bed and flopped down on it.

He jumped right back up. "Ack! Ice."

"It'll take a while for the bed to heat up." Candace said.

"You kids can have the bed." Lawrence said. "Mum and I will sleep on the couch."

"I'd rather sleep on the floor, thank you." Candace glared at her brothers and set her suitcase down next to the TV.

"Um… usually beds are more comfortable than floors." Phineas said. "But whatever floats your boat."

"It's just kind of awkward to sleep in a bed with your two little brothers." Candace said.

Perry hopped up on the bed. Phineas was right. It did feel like ice.

He began to dig the sheets.

"Boys, don't forget to set up Perry's litterbox." Linda warned.

"I'm just digging." Perry said, arranging the covers into a comfortable nest-like shape. He plopped himself down in the middle.

"Perry, we have to sleep there." Phineas said.

"Bite me." Perry said.

Phineas tried to pick Perry up. Perry dug his claws into the bed.

"You can sleep on the bed, but you can't sleep directly in the middle. Otherwise Ferb and I will have no room."

"May we go exploring, father?" Ferb asked Lawrence.

"Oh, sure, sure." Lawrence said. "So long as you come back before we go out to dinner."

"When's that?" Phineas asked.

"Six." Linda said.

"Okay." Phineas pried Perry loose of the covers and put him under his arm. He followed Ferb out into the hall.

"Much warmer than the room." Perry commented.

"Exploring hotels is fun." Phineas said. "You get to see the ice machine, and the other rooms in the hotel, and jump up and down in the elevator…"

"Look, Perry, another platypus." Ferb pointed at a platypus attempting to unlock a hotel door. Being tiny, it was proving rather difficult to get the key up to the lock.

"That's… Prince." Perry squirmed out of Phineas's grasp and went over to her.

"You need a hand?" He asked.

Prince turned to give him a feisty reply. Her eyes widened as she realized who he was.

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Could say the same for you. I'm on a road trip. How are you?"

"Good." Prince smiled. "You wanna come in?"

"Sure." Perry looked at the boys.  
"Doing some exploring of your own." Ferb winked at him.

Phineas kicked him. "Yeah, go ahead, Perry. We're gonna check out the indoor pool and see if it's frozen over."

* * *

"So, you still didn't tell me why you're here." Perry said.

"What the… it's… freezing in here." Prince attempted to turn up the heat.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a heated room? That'll be fifty dollars extra." Perry said.

Prince smiled. "I missed ya, loser."

"Same. You still haven't told me what you're doing here, though."

Prince kissed him and pushed him onto the bed. "I'll tell ya when I feel like it."

"You aren't running from the police or something, are you?" Perry sat up.

"Eesh, paranoid." Prince pushed him back down and began kissing him on his neck.

"You visiting a cousin or something? JD the Second?"

Prince huffed. "You're not gonna be any fun unless I tell you, are you?"

Perry shook his head.

Prince grinned. "I've been dying to tell you anyways. Okay, so I've basically been living off the funds my first boyfriend left me in his will. But after paying for the house, and having to feed Sneaks and Remy, it's finally run out."

"And… that's happy?" Perry asked. He couldn't figure out why Prince was so overjoyed with the prospect of having no money.

"Well… I needed money, of course, so I went to my uncle and he got in touch with his friend who lives around here to meet with me and see if he can give me a job in his music store. Can you believe that? I'd be great at that! I love music, and JD's friend said that the walls are looking kind of barren, so if I get the job I can decorate them any way I please! And I'd be getting paid for it."

"Wow. That sounds great! So… instead of Royal Guard, huh?"

"In your dreams. I'm not giving that up." Prince winked at him. "What do you think?"

"I think that's a great idea." Perry smiled. "You'll be awesome at that. When do you start?"  
"Woah, woah." Prince laughed. "I still have to actually get the job first. Hopefully the fact that this guy's friends with my uncle will help me out a little."

"In that case, I hope his judgment is incredibly biased in your favor. Seriously, Prince. That's awesome."

"I wanted to tell you in person, so I'm really glad you wound up here." Prince said.

"You look happy."

"I am happy." Prince said.

"Good." Perry kissed her.

"Royal Guard's doing well, too, in case you were wondering. We got a new member. She's new to the gang life. Gorgeous pig. I've never seen anyone so pretty."

"Prettier than you? I don't think so."  
"You flatter me. But seriously, she's gorgeous. So she's taking on the job I used to do for the Silencers. Getting rivals to spill gang secrets."

"And agents." Perry muttered.

"I already told you. Yes, I may have started out trying to get you off my back, but I loved you in the end."  
"Sure you did. That's why you broke up with me."

"I was stupid, okay? I thought I was putting both of us in danger because our lives were so different. And I'd never cared about anyone so much. You were just… so cute, so sure of yourself… you were smart, talented…"

Perry blushed. "Stop it."

"There have been hundreds of people in my life, but I only had romantic feelings for six of them. You know that. You're one of them. And now that two are dead, two vanished and one fell in love with some other girl, you're the only one."

"Glad you narrowed it down in my favor."

"And you're the best one." Prince kissed him. "You're the cutest and the nicest."

"So… this pig. What's her name?"

"Porsche. We're calling her Sche."

"Shh." Perry mocked.

"It was Tesla's idea, don't get all mocky on me. Anyway, it'll be good to have her around. We needed someone to take over that job."

"Good for Royal Guard, then."

"I suppose." Prince smiled. "So you're really the jealous kind, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Thinking about me with all those guys. You started getting a little ticked off, didn't you?"

"Shut up. Of course not."  
"My first boyfriend was named Zack…"

"I'm really tired."

Prince shoved him. "You ARE jealous! Aww, so cute." She kissed him on the cheek. "Don't worry. I'm all yours."

* * *

"Perry! Wake up!"

"No… Pinhead Pierre was just about to give me a tour of Platypusland…"

"Perry!" Phineas whispered. "Come on. We're gonna wake up and leave in four hours. We have to get you back into your hotel room."

"Wha…" Perry sat up. He looked at the sleeping Prince next to him, and then up at Phineas. "How did you two get in here?"

"Ferb knows how to hack into hotel rooms." Phineas said.

Ferb nodded and held up a sticker. "I made the door think this sticker of a corn chip was a key."

"Okay, okay… I'm up." Perry yawned. "Give me just a second."

"You look tired." Phineas said.

"What do you expect? It's four in the morning." Perry snapped.

"He is tired." Phineas whispered to Ferb.

"Let me just let Prince know we're going." Perry gently rubbed Prince's back. "Prince? I have to go-"

A loud beeping noise sounded, making them all jump. At first Perry didn't know what it was.

Prince jolted awake and ripped the alarm clock cord out of the wall, cursing loudly. Perry was glad Phineas and Ferb's translator didn't translate ALL platypus chatters.

"Why did you set the alarm clock for four in the morning?" Perry asked, shaking.

"Last guest in this room must have." Prince said testily. "What idiot gets up at four and uses that annoying beep to do it?" She lay back down.

"I have to go, Prince. I'll see you back at home, okay?"

Prince grunted.

Perry kissed her on the cheek and got out of bed. He followed the boys out of the room and down the hall.

They arrived at their suite. Ferb used his corn-chip sticker to gain access, and they silently slipped into the room.

Perry crawled over to his pet bed and curled up in it. Once he heard the boys climb in bed, he allowed himself to begin falling asleep.

On the floor near his pet bed, Candace snored away, mumbling something about 'I do, Jeremy'.

* * *

"Is everyone all packed?" Linda asked.

Perry opened one eye. He saw the boys running around, trying to grab all of the possessions they had strewn around the room.

"Almost!" Candace said, attempting to stuff her hairdryer into her suitcase.

"We'd best get going soon." Lawrence said.

"Grandma and Grandpa are expecting us!" Phineas said happily. "We're staying at their cabin next, right?"

"After this next hotel." Said Linda.

"YAY!" Phineas picked Perry up and danced around with him.

"Just woke up. Very grumpy. I have claws." Perry warned.

* * *

The second hotel was a lot better than the first one. It hadn't included any rebellious alarm clocks or a freezing climate, and the room was fully stocked with buttered popcorn, hot chocolate packs and a snack bar. After Lawrence and Linda had gone to sleep, Perry had made popcorn in the microwave. He, Candace and the boys sat on the couch watching old movies until midnight.

Now they were on the road again, and the boys were playing Old Stem on their portable game devices. Perry was trying hard to stay awake.

His watch beeped, and Monogram appeared on the clock face. Perry quickly cupped his hand around it so Linda and Lawrence wouldn't hear in the front seat.

"Red alert. Red alert."

Perry's heart stopped.

"The Mexican Food Station has returned to the agency."

Perry rolled his eyes and switched off his watch. Sometimes he wondered whether Monogram just enjoyed messing with him, or if the guy really was crazy.


	11. Chapter 11

Phineas jumped out of the car. "Grandma! Grandpa!"

Clyde and Betty Jo hugged him.

"So good to see you, honey." Betty Jo said.

Ferb hopped out of the car next. He picked up Perry's carrier and put it under his arm.

"Hey there, Turbo Ferbo!" Clyde said. "And hello there, Preston!"

"His name's Perry, grandpa." Phineas said.

"Oh, that's right. He's grown into a handsome young boy, hasn't he? Well, come on in, you all!"

The family headed into the cabin. Ferb set Perry's carrier down on the floor and opened it up. Perry got out, sniffed the air, and promptly threw up on the rug.

"Oh, Perry." Linda scolded.

"Ugggghh. No cell service." Candace growled, holding her cell phone up as high as she could reach. "How am I gonna text Stacy now?"

"How about I take the boys on a walk?" Clyde said. "We might find some interesting things!"

"Yeah!" Phineas said happily. Ferb nodded in agreement.

"You wanna come along?" Clyde asked Candace.

"In the woods? With bugs and dirt and grossness? I'll pass." Candace slumped down in a chair and mourned the loss of her cell service.

"All right, boys, let's go!" Clyde grabbed a walking stick and headed out the door. The boys followed him.

Perry watched as Linda cleaned up his rug art.

"You have any room in your bag?" Betty Jo asked. "I found three pairs of Phineas's shoes when I was cleaning."

"Oh, that's where they went." Linda said, laughing. "I wondered why he only had one pair of sneakers when I'd bought him so many. He's always leaving his shoes places. Vivian found two pairs in Isabella's closet a while back. He always takes them off and forgets them and comes home without them."

"It's partially our fault." Betty Jo said. "Clyde encourages him to run around outside in just his socks."

* * *

A few hours later, Clyde returned with the boys.

Phineas ran up to Linda, completely covered in dirt. "It was so fun, mom! We saw raccoons and a beaver and frogs and then we dug a giant hole and we found really cool rocks in it and then we skipped them in the river!"

Perry noticed Phineas was only wearing socks.

"And then we found this gold bracelet." Ferb said.

"It's for Candace." Phineas said.

Perry walked over to his toy basket that Clyde always had stocked for him and pulled out a large sock monkey. He dragged it into the middle of the room and began chewing on it.

"That's great, boys." Linda said. "Now why don't you take a bath?"

"Aww. I don't wanna take a bath." Phineas said sadly.

"But if you don't take a bath, you won't get to try the best dessert!" Clyde said. "I say we make the biggest ice cream cone with everything on top and eat it in the bathtub!"

"YAY!" Phineas yelled. He and Ferb ran to the bathroom, tracking dirt down the hall.

"Dad!" Linda pleaded.

"Oh, let them have their fun." Betty Jo said. "At least they'll get clean."

* * *

Perry hadn't realized how wonderful taking a nap on a sock monkey could be. The sock monkey made a great pillow.

"Perry!" Phineas shook him awake. "Guess what? There's gonna be fireworks tonight! Grandpa said he'll walk us down to the best viewing spot ever! Do you wanna come?"

"Sure." Perry yawned. "How was your ice cream cone?"

"It was awesome! It was a good thing we ate it in the bathtub though, 'cause it was super messy! I put whipped cream and chocolate syrup and chocolate chips and cookie crumbs and cherries on mine and Ferb put whipped cream on his head with sprinkles and then he stuck the ice cream cone on his head like a hat! And then he made an actual ice cream cone. And after we ate them, Ferb dunked his head in the bathwater and then the sprinkles melted into rainbow water."

"Delicious." Perry said. "Cool shoes."

"Thanks." Phineas looked down at his green slip-ons. "I forgot my blue sneakers by the lake and now we have to dry them over the bathtub before I can wear them again. So I had to use one of the pairs I left here last time."

"Are you excited for the fireworks tonight?" Ferb asked.

"Yeah." Perry said. "I like fireworks."

"I love fireworks!" Phineas said happily. "And I love staying here with Grandpa and Grandma! It's the best because you can just be a kid and do anything. And they don't get mad when I lose my shoes."

"You have a knack for forgetting shoes, don't you?" Perry asked.

"Only shoes." Phineas said. "I remember everything else. But most people don't feel comfy walking around in socks. With me, it's either way, so sometimes I forget whether I'm wearing shoes or not. And I mostly only lose them when I'm outdoors."

"So... all the time, then."

* * *

"It's so dark out." Ferb commented.

Perry padded along happily on the dirt road. He wasn't too pleased about having to wear his leash, but he was still happy to be walking with his owners. It had been quite a while since he had gotten to, because of the road trip.

"Where's the special fireworks spot, grandpa?" Phineas asked.

"It's a little ways up." Clyde said. "I think you'll like it, Phineas. You too, Ferbo."

Perry noticed Ferb cringed every time Clyde called him "Ferbo".

They walked for a few minutes more before they finally saw it: A large, cliff-like rock overlooking the lake.

"This is awesome!" Phineas sat down on the edge of the rock and dangled his feet over the lake. Perry wondered if his replacement shoes would fall in.

Ferb walked Perry over to the rock and sat down next to Phineas. Perry sat by him.

After a few seconds, the fireworks began.

They were unlike any Perry had ever seen before, sparkling into each other and crashing back down. The booming noise vibrated in his chest.

"Wow. These are better than the ones at Disney." Phineas breathed.

"And that's saying something, because it's _Disney_." Ferb said.

Clyde grinned. He put his arm around Phineas.

One of the fireworks shattered into golden rain and streamed down. Perry felt especially attached to that one.

"That one was beautiful." He said.

Ferb nodded.

With every firework, Perry felt slightly stronger. It was as if their powerful energy was transferring to him, bit by bit. Even though they were gone after only a second, their beauty stayed with him. Even though they didn't last, they made him happy.

He knew.

He knew what would help him recover from the pain he had felt ever since he was four years old.

"Phineas?" Perry whispered. "Ferb?"

The boys glanced at him, acknowledging that they had heard him without alerting Clyde.

"I want you to make me a firework."

Phineas's eyes lit up.

"The best firework ever. With that golden rain. But one like no one has ever seen before. One that will light up the entire sky."

Phineas smiled, and Ferb nodded. They gazed back up at the sky.

Later that night, as they were lying in the guestroom bed, Phineas spoke.

"It'll be the best firework ever, Perry."

"Good."

"It'll take a while for us to build, though. We'll probably be done around November, okay?"

Perry smiled. "Perfect. That's perfect."

"I knew it was." Phineas said.

* * *

"Thank you so much." Linda said, setting Perry's carrier down in the car.

"No problem. Come by anytime." Betty Jo said. "Phineas, honey, don't forget your sneakers."

"Oh, yeah!" Phineas ran back into the cabin.

Linda rolled her eyes. "Well, as soon as he gets back, we'll be heading out."

* * *

Lowe felt a poke in his side. He opened his eyes and climbed out of the hole he had dug in his carpet.

"I can't locate this stupid agent anywhere and I have to give him this file." Lodi snapped. "No one at the agency's ever even heard of him. How am I supposed to do my job when…"

Lowe took the file from his twin sister and glanced at it. "This file is from seven years ago, Lodi."

"Yeah, and now I'm gonna be late. Ugh. I hate my job."

"I can locate…" Lowe looked at the top of the file. "…Bobo the boa constrictor for you and give him his file. Take it easy."

"Whatever." Lodi popped her gum and stormed out of the room. "I'm gonna go back to my break."

"Your break starts in fifteen minutes." Lowe reminded her.

"You don't know anything." Lodi growled. She slammed his door shut.

Lowe accessed the O.W.C.A files on his computer and typed in Bobo's codename and number.

 **AGENT B: BOBO THE BOA CONSTRICTOR**

 **DECEASED, HOVERCAR CRASH**

Lowe frowned. He had heard about the hovercar crash, of course, but he hadn't known that it had caused deaths.

He clicked on the link.

 _O.W.C.A HOVERCAR CRASH: Mission 653, Agent B, Bobo Reeds, was assigned to combine with Agent C, Carolyn Grace, and new recruit Agent P, Perry Flynn-Fletcher, to destroy the three Rogue Spy Vans surrounding City Hall. The hovercar was tampered with, however, and it crashed against the dome of city hall, killing Agent B on impact, with only minor injuries to Agent C and a suspected concussion to Agent P, although doctors say he simply passed out from the trauma._

Lowe frowned. Perry had never mentioned the crash to him, and it seemed like something that would have come up in some of the conversations they had.

He quickly searched the Memory Wipe database, but he only found two files for Perry, both relating to avalanche events.

"Oh no." Lowe murmured. "I wish I had known sooner."


	12. Chapter 12

"You asked for me?" Carrie the cat asked nervously.

Carrie struck Lowe as someone who had been mistreated in early life, perhaps by an abusive mate or a strict host family, but he could tell that whatever experiences there had been had strengthened her to better protect herself.

"Yes." Lowe said. "There's nothing to worry about. Have a seat."

Carrie looked overwhelmed with her choice of couches, so Lowe advised her to take the one closest to the door.

"If it's all right, I'd like to talk to you about the hovercar crash you were involved in when you were five years of age." Lowe said.

Carrie's eyes widened. "I didn't tamper with the car! It was a rogue agent named Crusoe, we discovered later… it wasn't me! It's all done with! Please don't turn me in!" She began to hyperventilate.

"I know it wasn't you. That's not why you're here. Don't worry." Lowe said. "Deep breath."

Carrie's breathing finally returned to normal. She looked fearfully toward the door.

"I just need you to tell me what you remember." Lowe said. "Whatever you can. Especially with Agent P. Do you remember Perry being with you during the crash?"

"...Yes." Carrie said. "I didn't know him very well then, but I think he was about half a year old. It was supposed to give him mission experience. I remember when we crashed, he fainted and I got scared because I thought he was dead. But then Monogram told me he had probably had a concussion." She looked at Lowe worriedly. "A concussion is better than being dead, right?"

"Yes." Lowe said.

"I wasn't hurt too badly." Carrie said. "I… I have a scar on my nose, but that's the only thing that lasted. Bobo… he died from it. Perry was in the medical wing for a few hours and they let him go home after he woke up. I didn't run into him for a while, which is probably why he didn't remember me."

"He didn't remember you at all?"

"No. I ran into him about a year later at an O.W.C.A gathering and he asked me what my name was and I told him it was Carrie. And then he told me his name was Perry and shook my hand and then went off with his turkey friend. Terrence, I think."

"Did he know your name before the hovercar incident?"

"Yes. We were introduced to each other beforehand." Carrie was piling the couch pillows around her, which Lowe knew was something animals did when they had lost their babies before they were grown. "Monogram told him my name was Carrie and told me his name was Perry and we shook hands."

"Do you think he simply forgot your name at the gathering?"

"Oh, no." Carrie said. "He didn't remember me. He told me he hadn't seen me around before and that's why he asked me my name. But… a year is a long time. And he was little when we met. So it makes sense that he wouldn't remember me."

"Did he ever mention the hovercar incident to you?"

"No. It's not something we ever really talk about anymore. But I don't think he'd want to talk about it, anyway. That sort of thing would be scary for a baby animal, wouldn't it?"

Lowe nodded.

"Can I go?" Carrie asked.

"Yes, you may." Lowe said.

"Thanks." Carrie jumped up and ran out of the room.

* * *

"IN THE CAR, PHINEAS HAS HIS SHOES AGAIN, FERB'S GONNA LOSE AGAIN AT THE OLD STEM MINIGAME, OOOHHH, WOOOO HOOO, IN THE CAR…"

"Phineas, make him stop!" Candace snapped.

"He's having fun, Candace." Phineas said.

"IN THE CAR, CANDACE IS BEING CRANKY IN THE CAR AGAIN, LAWRENCE HAS HIS HANKY IN HIS POCKET AGAIN, OOOOHHHH…"

"Phineas, please give him a Serene Pet treat." Linda said.

"Fine, I'll stop my beautiful singing." Perry said. "How's Old Stem going, guys?"

"My neighbor Sam Seagull just traded his air conditioner for my bedbug." Phineas said.

"Sounds like a fair trade." Perry said.

"It certainly was." Phineas said.

Perry's phone began to ring from inside Phineas's backpack. Phineas picked it up.

"Hello?"

Perry reached for his phone. "Give it."

Phineas handed it to him. "The person said, 'Aeeaaahh ctctctc ttt ree ttt.'"

"Thanks for the update." Perry said sarcastically. He put the phone up to his ear. "Hello?"

"Perry, I need to ask you something."

"Oh, hi, Lowe."

"When did you first meet Carrie?"

"Strange question. Hm… I think I met her at an O.W.C.A gathering a long time ago. Yes, I remember now. I hadn't seen her around the agency before then. She was probably hiding from the computers or something."

"You're certain?"

"Yep."

"Did you ever have a mission with her?"

"Only when all of L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N was involved."

"I see. Do you recall an Agent B? Bobo the boa constrictor?"

"Bobo? Ha. There's a name. Nope, I'd remember someone named that. And I know all the snake agents. Is he new or something?"

"He died in a hovercar crash. Do you recall this?"

"Oh, sad. No, I guess no one ever told me. Why are you asking me all this?"

"I think it's better if I tell you in person. You're telling the complete truth, Perry? You do not recall the hovercar crash?"

"Nope."

"All right then. Enjoy your vacation. See you when you get back."

"Bye." Perry hung up.

"What did he say?" Phineas asked.

"Weird stuff about Carrie and some snake named Bobo. Hope Lowe's not losing his marbles. A pyromaniac firefighter, a kleptomaniac police dog and a crazy psychiatrist would be quite a crowd for Danville."

* * *

"Devon Woodles!"

"Carrie Kaboodles!"

"SAVE THE PANDAS!"

"BUTT!"

Ernest the eagle sighed. Sometimes it was just plain impossible to get the agents' attention.

"AGENTS!" Ernest shouted.

"BUTT!" Baby Ned replied. Ernest gave him a stern look, and the narwhal giggled happily.

Brandon the bulldog finally stepped in, his voice booming across the room. "EVERYONE, SILENCE!"

The agents all stopped what they were doing and looked toward them. Brandon gestured to Ernest.

Ernest cleared his throat. "We have received some most wonderful news. Agents Kyle and Katie are going to have a baby."

"Oh, is that all?" Peter asked.

"I thought we were getting a new ice cream machine or something, the way you were all hyped up." Darren said.

Ernest frowned. "I don't understand. Two of our kangaroo agents are about to have a new baby. How is that not exciting?"

"Dennis the rabbit has like five hundred babies already, and Perry has one like every month." Kenny the koala said sleepily.

"And my parents had-ed me!" Baby Ned said.

Ernest sighed. "Fine. So a baby isn't the most exciting thing around here, but I still expect you all to congratulate the new parents and help prepare for the baby shower."

"We get to give the baby a shower?" Peter said. "What about the shower incident of 1995?"

Ernest glared at him. "A baby shower is a party for the new baby. Not an actual shower. Get to it."

Peter shrugged. "Why didn't ya just say so?"


	13. Chapter 13

"No, no, Peter, you can't just cross out 'Boy' on the banner and write in 'Kangaroo'!" Pinky shouted. "Now we have to redo the whole banner!"

"But it is a kangaroo." Peter said, hanging up his IT'S A KANGAROO banner. "Not a boy. That's the word you use for a young male human."

"I wrote a poem for Kyle and Katie." Said Billy the beaver. "It's about the birth of a baby kangaroo. 'Baby Kangaroo, you have been born. You climb into your mother's pouch and finish being born there. Kangaroos are weird.'"

"I don't think you can read that poem, Billy." Pinky said.

"Sure I can. I just did."

"Well, don't. HARRY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Pinky rushed over to Harry the husky.

"Setting up the food, like you told me to." Harry said.

"This is all candy! Where are the fruits and vegetables?"

"Who eats those things?" Harry asked.

"Get fruits and vegetables!" Pinky said. "Peter, help Sandra Unice blow up those balloons. She's all spines and no mouth. Who put her up to that job, anyway?"

"I can help blow up the balloons, if you like." Blanche the blowfish said.

"Uh… that's okay, Blanche." Pinky said.

...

"I can't believe we're finally here!" Phineas said happily.

"I can't believe I'm in the middle of a party for antique dealers." Perry said. "I feel so out of place."

"Well, you are the pet of two antique dealers, so you're not, really." Ferb said. He headed over to a table with sticker nametags and a permanent marker. "Who should we be? I'm gonna be My Cow."

"I'll be Buford Van Stomm." Phineas said, writing the name down on a sticker and sticking it to his shirt. "I think Buford would get a kick out of that."

Ferb stuck his My Cow nametag to his shirt.

"Okay, I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz." Perry said, grabbing a marker and making his own nametag.

"Once, I went to my kindergarten reunion and I made my name Darth Kiki." Ferb said.

Phineas laughed. "I'm gonna name my kid that."

"I'll hold you to that." Ferb said.

Phineas shook his hand. "You're on."

"Your poor children." Perry said. "So how long do we have to stay here?"

Phineas sighed. "Long enough for dad to talk to every single antique dealer about the time he caught Bigmouth Ramone."

"Father does love making speeches." Ferb said.

"Heeeyyyy!" Said a man, pointing at Perry's nametag.

Perry frowned at Doofenshmirtz's nametag, which said PERRY THE PLATYPUS on it.

"What are you doing here, Doofenshmirtz?" Phineas asked.

"I figured if anyone knows anything about getting rich, it would be antique dealers. So if I learn how to make a lot of money, I can take over- wait, what are you doing here, Buford?"

"Mom and dad are antique dealers." Phineas said.

"Ah. You know, I don't remember that quiet kid being named My Cow. I would have remembered a name like that."

Phineas chuckled. "His name is actually Ferb."

"Oh, yeah, that's a lot less strange." Doofenshmirtz said sarcastically.

"And I'm Phineas. Buford is one of my friends."

"And who's that?" Doofenshmirtz asked, pointing at Perry.

"That's Perry." Phineas said. "I thought you knew him already."

"That's Perry the platypus? He looks more like my friend Steven. Did I ever tell you about my friend Steven?"

Perry sighed and pulled his fedora out of his pocket. He put it on.

"PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed. "Why does your nametag say Heinz Doofenshmirtz on it? That's not your name, is it?"

Perry rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I see. You're faking people out, huh? I'm doing the same thing. It's so naughty it's probably EVVILLL!"

"Look, food." Phineas pointed at a table.

"I like food." Ferb said.

"We're gonna go get food, okay, Perry?" Phineas said.

"I'll join you in a sec." Perry said. "I'm just gonna take a look at the mountains."

He headed over to the not-so-crowded section of the party grounds and gazed at the landscape. It was gorgeous.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Perry? Is that you?"

Perry whirled around to face a panda wearing tons of bracelets. "…Prissy?"

Peter's sister beamed. "I didn't think you'd remember me, but you did. Pete always said you had a good memory. I should have trusted him."

"Why are you here?"

"Oh, I go to every party around here." Prissy said. "Just to get a scoop on all the latest news. By the way, how are your children? You have six, right? How do you find time to have them all? You thinking of having any more? …Oh, I'm prying again, aren't I? I'm so sorry. I do that without realizing. Why does your nametag say Heinz Doofenshmirtz?"

"Just being funny." Perry said. He looked around for the boys.

"Oh, so you used Doof's name? Peter does that, too, sometimes. We don't really have any close relatives we can use for fake nametags, you see. Except our late father, Pascal B. Panda. He was an interesting panda. Gambled, though. Peter's like that, too, you know. He gambled away all of the money we saved for our trip to Hawaii last year. Lost it all in Roulette."

"Pascal's kind of an interesting name. I've never heard it before."

"Oh, yes." Prissy said. "Pascal's a computer language, a unit of pressure, and the name of a guy who made some triangle, so it's not really meant to be a name for pandas, but our dad said 'I'm taking that name' and so that was the way it was."

"Perry!" Phineas ran up to them. "Dad says it's time to go."

"Sorry, Prissy." Perry said.

"Oh, it's no problem. I'm used to people leaving early. Like my first boyfriend. Ta ta!" She gave a little wave and left.

"Shall we head out, Heinz Doofenshmirtz?" Ferb asked, coming up behind Phineas.

"Lead the way, My Cow." Perry said.

...

"Woah." Phineas said.

"Oh, I knew you boys would be impressed by this house!" Lawrence said happily. "Can you believe we get to stay in the home of the most famous antique dealer ever? This home is practically an antique itself!"

Perry padded over to the plush carpet and began rolling around in it. There were large windows surrounding the living room, giving off a lot of natural light.

It made him happy.

"It's awesome, dad." Phineas said happily.

"You boys get the back room, Linda and I will take the side one, and Candace can have the one in the corner." Lawrence said.

"Okay." Phineas lay down next to Perry. Perry licked his face.

"I'll go help Linda unpack." Lawrence headed into one of the bedrooms.

Candace sat down on the couch and growled. "Ugh. No internet. And the cell service is terrible."

"Cheerful Candace strikes again." Perry said.

...

"You know, I can't really tell the difference between baby showers and the O.W.C.A fair." Manfred Freeny the mink said.

"I think Pinky kind of got rid of the whole 'perfect baby shower' idea after Peter and Devon got into a diaper war." Alan the alligator said.

"Makes sense." Manfred said.

The only hint that the event was supposed to be a baby shower was a small banner hung at the front of the O.W.C.A: _IT'S A KANGAROO!_

Katie and Kyle were sitting underneath the sign in throne-like chairs that Rocky had recycled from the O.W.C.A dance. They were wearing paper crowns that said KING KILE and KWEEN KATEE in crayon. They had been a present from Baby Ned.

There were booths set up all around the agency. There were old booths, like Dolly the dolphin's dunking booth, Ernest's "Who Can Recite The Agency's Rules From Memory" booth (It wasn't very popular), and Doris's fortune-telling booth. There were also new booths, like Baby Ned's new 'Guess The Butt' booth.

"I takeded pictures of butts fwom all over the agency!" Baby Ned said to the large crowd of agents that had gathered around his booth. "All you have to do is point at one of the pictuwes, and say the name of the person who you think has that butt!"

"Major Monogram." Giggled a baby harp seal, pointing at a picture of a man in olive green bending over.

"WE HAVE A WINNEW!" Baby Ned shouted. "Hewe's youw pwize: A wowwipop!"

"YAY!" The baby harp seal said, slowly pulling itself away with its new lollipop.

...

"Perry, you so have to play Old Stem." Phineas said, getting Perry's game console out of his backpack. "You'll love it. And we can play online together."

"Fine." Perry said. "What do I do?"

"First, you have to create a character." Phineas handed him the game. "And give it a name. And give your kingdom a name. And just so you know, your character is the king."

"Then his name shall be King Bob." Perry said. "And he shall have pink hair. And the kingdom… um… Bobland."

"Cool." Phineas said.

Perry's little character walked around the kingdom.

"I hate my shoes." Perry said.

"You can take them off and sell them." Phineas said.

"Really? That's a nice feature."

"Add me and Ferb as friends." Phineas said.

"Okay… let's see. King Flynn from Blubblesdom and King Darth Kiki from My Cow. I wonder who's who."


	14. Chapter 14

"Phineas."

"FFfffgggggggg."

"Phin."

"Fgggggiiin."

"E-as."

"Geeeegggghhhuuss." Perry frowned.

Phineas turned his translator back on.

"Sorry, Phin. I just don't have the voicebox to speak English. But Fgggiiinnngeeggghusss was pretty close, wasn't it? You know that means triangle spats in platypus?"

"Triangle spats means triangle spats?"

"No, the thing I said when your translator was off meant triangle spats."

"Oh." Phineas smiled. "I was just thinking it'd be easier if you could physically speak English. Then I wouldn't have to change the batteries on the translator every week."

"Maybe you could learn to speak platypus."

"Hey, that's a cool idea." Phineas switched the translator off. "Teach me how to say… um… hello."

"Hello." Perry said.

"Backpack." Phineas responded.

Perry shook his head. "Hel-lo."

"Evening."

Perry shook his head again.

Phineas turned the translator back on. "What am I doing wrong?"

"You're pronouncing the last few syllables backwards. I'm saying hello, and you're saying completely different words. Listen."

Phineas turned the translator off again.

"Gna-ka-ka-ka-kaah." Perry pronounced.

"Gana-ka-aka-ka-kuuuhhh." Phineas said, the platypus equivalent of "phonograph" with a speech impediment. Perry closed his eyes.

"Well, it's really hard to make that noise!" Phineas said defensively.

"Impossible to make the noises you make, too." Perry responded.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. Forgot you didn't have the translator on."

"Is that hello?"

"Turn the translator back on." Perry pointed to his ear.

"Oh." Phineas obeyed. "Sorry, Perry. It's just… I don't think anyone can make that noise unless they're a platypus."

"Just try speaking slowly."

Ferb walked into the room. "I'm bored. Mum and dad went out and Candace is holed up in her room and you two are out here and I'm all alone."

"Well, that's no good." Phineas said. "Guess what, Ferb? Perry's teaching me how to speak platypus."

Ferb patted Perry sympathetically.

"Why don't we go out for milkshakes?" Perry suggested. "Remember that awesome milkshake place we found downtown yesterday?"

"Yeah!" Phineas said.

"I'll have three chocolate milks and a chocolate shake." Ferb said.

* * *

"I don't know, Phinny. Maybe we should just drop it."

"No." Phineas said, jabbing his spoon into his milkshake. "I want to learn. I can do this."

"Okay…" Perry said. "But remember, understanding platypus is just as good as speaking it, so you don't have to actually-"

"Oh, good idea! Understanding first, speaking later." Phineas sipped his shake. "Hit me with one of the words you taught me."

Ferb wrote 'One of the words you taught me' on his hand and lightly punched Phineas on the shoulder.

"Ow." Phineas glared at his brother.

"Oh, come off it. That didn't hurt." Ferb laughed.

"Okay, Perry. Say something, and I'll guess what it is."

"Phineas." Perry said.

"Lawnmower." Phineas said.

Perry shook his head. "Phin-e-as."

"Ummmm… boat?"

Perry drank a little bit of his milkshake.

"Wait. You're using a second syllable at the end of a short version of that gargly noise. You use a third one for Ferb… you're saying Phineas!"

Perry grinned and high-fived him. Ferb looked impressed. "Well, he's certainly improved."

"I'm getting better now that I know the system." Phineas said. "Perry told me that gargles are names, things that sound like that noise he makes are all other words, and snorts are bad words unless they're drawn out, then they usually are verbs. And this sound…" Phineas made a small choking noise. "It means 'Cow', Ferb."

Perry made a noise deep from the throat. "Cow. That means cow. You just said island."

"What?"

"He says you just said island." Ferb said.

"Oh." Phineas shrugged. "Well, I'm still doing good for a human, aren't I?"

Perry nodded. "Better than most humans."

* * *

"Perry! Wake up! There are random people outside of the house!"

"What?" Perry got out of bed, still blinking off sleep. "What people?"

"There are people just walking by and staring at the house!"

"The altitude's gone to your brain again."

"Really, Perry!" Phineas dragged him down the hall and into the living room. "Look!"

Perry peeked out of one of the curtains. A tour guide appeared to be showing an entire tour of people the house they were staying in.

Ferb peeked through the other side of the curtain. "Um, do you mind?" He said quietly.

"Oh. Don't worry, boys." Perry pulled himself away from the window. "This house belonged to a famous antique dealer, remember? It's probably a landmark here."

"They must not have much to do." Ferb remarked.

"So people are just gonna come by and stare at our house?" Phineas asked.

"Probably. But they won't come in or anything. And we have blinds." Perry yawned. "We probably won't even notice half the time. They don't know people are staying here, but they know enough to not bang on the windows or anything."

Ferb made a creepy face and began slowly straightening himself up until he could see over the blinds.

Perry heard people screaming.

"And Ferb will have fun when we DO notice." Perry said.

* * *

"Come on, Perry. Let's do something." Phineas said.

"This chair is comfy, though." Perry said. "Directly under the fan. And I promise you we'll go on the ski lift as soon as I've recovered from my altitude sickness."

"You've had altitude sickness for FOREVER." Phineas said.

"I've only had it since we arrived here." Perry said. "And it's fading. I haven't had any more weird dreams about walruses."

"Can we take you on a walk?"

"Only if you pull this chair on a leash."

"You've gotten super lazy, Perry."

Perry curled up in the chair. "Laziness is comfy. Pet me. I'm adorable and pettable."

"Koochy koochy coodle." Ferb said, appearing out of nowhere and tickling Perry on his tummy.

"Stop it!" Perry snickered. "Stop it or I'll… attack you violently! Stop!"

"Look at us." Phineas said, peering out the window. "We've resorted to tickling platypuses. We should go do something before we go crazy."

"MAKE HIM STOP!" Perry said, doubled over with laughter.

"Ferb, you'd better not do that. Perry's no fun when he's angry."

Ferb stopped. Perry got back into a comfortable position and glared at him.

"Ticklish tootsies." Ferb said.

"Punchable nosey." Perry retorted.

"Well, I hope you feel better, Perry." Phineas said.

"Because you're not any fun when you're on the couch." Ferb said.

"Thanks for being so frank."

Ferb snickered.

Perry picked a book up off of the floor and began reading. "Hey, I've read this before. It was much thicker, though."

"That's Ferb's ghost book." Phineas said.

"I've definitely read this before." Perry said. "I remember this very passage."

Phineas and Ferb looked over his shoulder.

 _CATEGORY 3: Category 3 Ghosts look exactly as they did in life and are not transparent at all. One could be your best friend, and you wouldn't even know. Category 3's are completely unaware of their death and will go on with daily life as normal. On the Death Day, they become very weary and a little confused. They have a hard time getting things done. Things will not go through them, but they can inadvertently walk through things if they do not notice them. If your friend is walking through walls, he or she is most likely a Category 3 Ghost. You must gently break the news to them and help them with unfinished business to get them to rest in peace. Please note that some Category 3 Ghosts are only half-dead. They will come back to life if the person or ghost who almost killed them is gone. They will die if the person or ghost who almost killed them completely kills them._

 _CATEGORY 4: Category 4 Ghosts are EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. These ghosts look like Category 1 Ghosts on any day save for the Death Day. On the Death Day, the eyes become large and red, almost reptile-like. The mouth is permanently fixed into a sharp-toothed smile that stretches across the entire face. DO NOT COME INTO CONTACT WITH IT. These ghosts can split up a being into two, slowly drain the life from a being, and cook amazing pancakes. If one physically cuts you, there is no hope. If one kills you, there is also no hope (You probably could have figured that out on your own, though). The only way to get rid of these is to remind them of their loving nature (if such a nature exists) or help them with unfinished business. BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL._

Perry frowned.

 _If one physically cuts you, there is no hope._

 _Category 3's are completely unaware of their death and will go on with daily life as normal._

 _On the Death Day, they become very weary and a little confused._

 _If one physically cuts you, there is no hope._

 _On the Death Day, they become very weary and a little confused._

 _If one physically cuts you, there is no hope._

 ** _There is no hope._**

"Why do you keep reading those two sentences over and over?" Phineas asked.

Perry looked up. "I need to talk to someone. I'll be right back. I'm flying back to Danville."

"Why?" Phineas asked.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I just have to ask someone something."

* * *

Perry ignored everyone who tried to greet him as he made his way down the hall of the O.W.C.A.

He knocked on a wooden door that most people would mistake for a broom closet.

The door opened.

"Hello there." Lowe said, looking a little surprised to see him. "Are you back already? Or did you need to talk?"

Perry went inside and closed the door behind them.

"Lowe… I… your father, he scratched you… as a ghost… when you were a year old?"

Lowe nodded. "The scars aren't going to go away."

"Then… all this time… you…" Perry shook his head. "Ever since I met you, you were…"

Lowe looked at him.

"You were… dead?"  
"Half-dead." Lowe corrected him. "I didn't know either, until you brought me back."

"Yes." Perry said. He didn't know what else to say.

"Have a seat." Lowe said. "We have a lot to discuss.


	15. Chapter 15

"I didn't notice." Lowe said. "But after you got my father to rest in peace, I felt so much stronger. More alive, if you will." He smiled. "The day afterward, I crashed into a vase I had by the door. I was surprised I hadn't done it sooner. I'm not very coordinated. Then I realized that for thirteen whole years, I hadn't ever tripped over anything. Even when things were right in front of me. I had gone through that vase for thirteen years without even noticing, and I would have broken it way before then. I re-read the books on ghosts I had. I was a Category Three ghost, half-dead, and I never even realized."

"Ever since I've known you up until that point when you came back to life." Perry said.

Lowe nodded. "It was a little unnerving, I must say. But I should have known. I never got hungry or thirsty, I always felt exhausted, like I had just woken up in the middle of a nap, and I never felt like I was completely in a room. People's voices would echo, but it just seemed so natural. I'd lived like that for a long time."

"Well, I'm glad you're alive now." Perry said, laughing a little.

"Me too. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I thought it would probably be a little strange. Since you're here, I may as well speak with you about that phone conversation we had."

"I was wondering about that." Perry said.

Lowe sat down on a couch across from Perry and cleared his throat. "Our minds have a way of protecting us. My sister's, for instance, protects her by causing her to be ignorant and incompetent. She doesn't want to disappoint people, so she lowers the expectations people have of her. And she's very sensitive, so her mind protects her from hearing things that would hurt her. I do believe her mind goes a little too far at times, but that's just an example."

"Understandable." Perry said.

"From my psychoanalysis of you over time, I've found you have a very good mindset." Lowe continued. "You face most of your problems instead of running from them, you're very loyal, and you don't go back on your word. And you are also very sensitive, which is not a bad thing. It means you have good strong relationships with the people you're fond of, and you're very confident in yourself and your abilities. You know who you are."

Perry focused on a section of the wall.  
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you. What I'm saying is… I believe your mind has protected you from traumatic events in the past by repressing memories. Do you know how that works?"  
"You subconsciously forget something?"

"Yes, one either cannot remember anything from a certain time or they use a false memory to replace it. For instance, remembering sitting on the beach with a loved one when the true memory was being attacked on the beach."

"How do you know I'm repressing memories?"

"Because you don't recall one of them." Lowe said. "You were in the hovercar that crashed during your first year at the O.W.C.A. The other passengers were Bobo the boa constrictor and Carrie the cat. You remember meeting Carrie at a gathering, but when I spoke to her, she claimed she was first introduced to you during the hovercar mission."

Perry frowned. "Really? How could I forget something that big, though?"

"You were young, and it was a traumatic event, probably very difficult for you to understand. So you subconsciously repressed it."

Perry closed his eyes, trying very hard to recall the memory. His head hurt.

"I… I don't remember… but I can sort of feel it in there. Is it gonna be bad if I don't remember these things?"

"You never forget." Lowe said. "Your mind can block the memory as much as it wants, but the emotions stay with you, and sometimes resurface in much uglier ways. You may see an object that triggers the memory, and instead you receive the emotion, but with no understanding of how it got there. It can be hard on you. And I do believe that's why you have emotional spells."

"How do we know how much I've forgotten? And what's a real memory? And how many repressed ones I have?"

"I don't know."

Perry opened his eyes again. "What? How can you not know?"

"I'm self-taught." Lowe said. "I didn't read up much on how to work with repressed memories. I just know that dream analysis can be used to uncover them, but as far as I know, it's impossible to understand which ones are real memories and which are… pointless."

"These memories… they're repressed for a reason." Perry said. "Do I really want to remember them?"

Lowe nodded. "The first step to recovering from what's hurting you is understanding why it hurts. And you need to know what it is to understand."

Perry nodded.

"You've been through a lot today. I'll see you when you get back from your trip." Lowe said.

"By the way…" Perry said. "I remember a fennec fox named Fred who used to work here. Was he related to you at all?"

Lowe almost laughed. "Ah, Fred. No, we aren't related. He tried to make a living similar to the way I did by giving Anger Management classes. He didn't know what he was doing, and most of his patients became even more irritated and ended up coming to me. I didn't like the way he dealt with his patients, or the fact that he basically tried to be like me to avoid physical work but still remain with the agency. Unfortunately for him, he was very timid and quit his job after a certain case."

"What case?" Perry asked.

Lowe smiled. "A very angry platypus punched his desk and broke it into two pieces."

"You're welcome." Perry said, grinning.

* * *

"THE BABY KANGAROO HAS BEEN BORN!" Peter said happily.

"YAY!" Shouted the agents. They pressed their faces against the door of the medical wing, hoping to hear some news.

It opened quickly, whacking many of them in the head. Kyle hopped out.

"How's Katie?" Darren asked.

"Is she exhausted?" Asked Jack Russell the Jack Russell terrier.

"You do know she gave birth a long time ago, right?" Kyle said. "Baby kangaroos develop in the pouch. It only came out today. It technically wasn't born today."

"Does it have a name?" Carrie asked. "I hope its name doesn't start with Q. I'm afraid of names that start with the letter Q."

Quentin the quail looked concerned.

"His name is Jasper. Jasper the Joey." Kyle said.

A baby joey hopped out of the medical center. It looked very confused.

"Hello, Jasper." Said Pinky.

"Hewwo." Said Baby Ned, holding a fin out to Jasper. "I am Ned. And I am the official weader of the new wecwuits."

"Fwoople." Said Jasper.

"Awwwww." The agents said.

"You all have way too much time on your hands." Kyle said, picking up his baby.

"It's just been such a long time since an agent was born in the agency." Peter said.

"The last agent born in the agency was baby Ned." Carrie said.

Kyle didn't look pleased with this news.

"Well, congratulations, Kyle and Katie." Pinky said.

"May you find just as much happiness as me and Carrie." Devon said.

* * *

"Perry, get off the couch." Candace said.

Perry stretched out so that his arms and legs were completely covering the couch.

"That's not getting off the couch."

"I know."

"RRG! You're so annoying." Candace sat down on the floor.

Phineas pushed Perry over and sat down next to him. Ferb sat on Phineas's other side, holding a bowl of popcorn.

"Pet my tummy." Perry said.

Phineas patted his belly. "Boom-bigga-boom-boom-bigga-bigga-boom-boom."

"I said pet it. Not pat it."

"You are the Perrydrum." Phineas said, rubbing Perry's belly. Perry purred happily.

"This movie better be good." Candace said.

"Oh, it is good." Linda said, sitting down in the armchair. "I remember this movie from when I was a kid."

"Was it about the times before fun was invented?" Candace muttered.

Perry began to kick.

"Aww, I found Perry's happy spot." Phineas said.

Perry kicked Candace in the head.

"OW!" Candace snapped. "Watch it."

The movie began to play.

 _THE GUARDIAN SNARE_ flashed onto the screen.

"I remember this movie." Perry said. "Isn't it about those triplets who find out they were separated at birth and they try to get their guardians to let them all live together as one big happy family?"

"Yep." Phineas said. "Starring young Vance Ward, young Vance Ward, and young Vance Ward."

"I still don't understand how they made that movie with only one Vance Ward." Perry said.

"Maybe Vance Ward is secretly a triplet." Ferb said.

* * *

"Let's be a team, oh oh oh, why don't we merge together?" Sang all three of the Vance Wards.

Perry, Lawrence and the boys were the only ones still watching. Candace had fallen asleep at the beginning. Linda had fallen asleep after the triplets made their plan to get their guardians together.

"Is this how they get what they want?" Perry asked. "They sing? They've got easy guardians. Imagine just singing to get what you want. 'Let's have a cookie, oh oh oh, why don't we get a snack? Let's buy a TV, oh oh oh, I won't have to pay you back…'"

Phineas laughed. "No, we haven't got a lot, so give us whatever you got…"

"Let's throw a party, and invite the whole town!" Ferb finished.

"Oh, are those the lyrics, now?" Lawrence asked.

"No, we just made up a new version of the song." Phineas said.

"Let's stay out late, oh oh oh, no coming home 'till after twelve…" Ferb sang.

"Let's cause trouble all over town, and stay out all by ourselves!" Phineas added.

"And if you get called by police, please remember that you gave me, all your permission! Sucks for you!" Perry pumped his fist.

Phineas burst into laughter. "Good one!"

"Oh, it's so cute how you two pretend to know what Perry is saying." Lawrence said.

"Yeah, we're adorbs." Phineas said.

On the television, the guardians were clapping for the triplets' song. The Vance Wards all took a bow.

"Oh, yes, darlings." Perry mimicked. "We'll all live together, and you can also have the keys to my car and all my assets and blow up the house."

"Take my watermelon." Ferb said.

"And my business. Heck, have the entire town!"

Phineas grinned. "I love movie nights."


	16. Chapter 16

"I need socks." Perry said.

Phineas looked at him from the couch. "What for?"

"My feet, what else?"

"Platypuses don't need socks."

"This one does. My feet are cold."

Phineas went back to reading his book. Perry went into one of the bedrooms and grabbed a pair of Candace's socks from a drawer. He put them on his back feet and went back into the living room.

"Are you cold, Perry?" Ferb asked, noticing his newly acquired Ducky Momo socks.

"Yep."

"Well, that's no good. We're going to the ice rink later."

Perry hopped into his favorite chair. "I'll just sit in this chair while you do that."

"It'll be fun, Perry." Phineas said.

Perry patted down a comfy spot in the chair and curled up into a ball.

"Perry?"

Perry faked a snore.

"Okay, Perry. Have fun napping." Phineas said. "I'm gonna eat something." He got up and went to the kitchen. "Hey, there's already some snacks in the snack basket."

"That's nice, Phineas." Perry said.

"Oh, weird, these cookies expired like four years ago." Phineas said.

"Don't eat them, then." Ferb said.

"And here's some juice that expire- WOAH. Okay, who wants to guess the expiration date on this one?" Phineas asked.

"Nineteen ninety-seven." Perry said.

"Here's a hint." Phineas said. "When this expired, Ferb and I were in kindergarten together. Perry wasn't even born yet. And Django just moved into the neighborhood."

"Oh. Don't drink it." Perry said. "My favorite sandwich's not even that old."

"I'll drink it." Ferb said. He took the carton from Phineas.

"NO, Ferb!" Phineas said.

"Hm." Ferb sniffed the juice. "On second thought, no. It smells like really old, super-citrusy orange juice."

"Well, obviously." Perry said.

Ferb looked at him. "This is grape juice."

"EW." Perry said.

"And look, there's some Mr. Jimmy Crackers. They don't have a date on them, though. How are we gonna know how old it is?" Phineas held up the cracker box. "Does Mr. Jimmy look younger on this box than the ones we get at the store now?"

"Did they forget to put a date on it, or do Mr. Jimmy Crackers never expire?" Ferb asked, sounding concerned.

"Maybe they didn't put a date on it because they expect people to use them up within the next ten years." Perry said.

"On second thought, I'm just gonna eat the food we brought." Phineas said.

* * *

"I'm so glad we got these seats." Linda said.

"I haven't gotten front-row seats since I was a corn cob in my first grade play." Lawrence said.

"Dad… if you're in the play, you don't get seats because you're not in the audience." Candace said.

"Oh yes, I know that now." Lawrence said. "No one bothered to tell me until the play actually started, though."

"What's this play about?" Perry whispered to Phineas.

Phineas was looking at the program. "It's about this kid who wins a trip to a tomato factory."

"Aren't tomatoes supposed to occur in nature?" Perry asked.

"You read that wrong." Ferb said. "It's a potato factory. Like where they make French fries."

"Oh."  
"Seriously, Phin, in what universe are tomatoes made in factories?" Perry asked. He opened up his sketchbook and began drawing a picture of the lady sitting in front of them.

"Cool! Look, Ferb, this guy in the program looks exactly like Baljeet! I'm gonna text that to him." Phineas took out his phone and took a picture of the picture in the program.

"It would be so awkward if that guy saw you doing this." Perry said.

Phineas laughed nervously. "Oh gosh. I didn't even think of that."

"Delete the photo after you text it." Ferb said.

Perry messed up on the lady's hair. He turned it into a giant wavy hat with built-in snorkels.

Phineas quickly texted the photo and attempted to delete the photo. "Oh dang. My phone froze."

"Right on the photo!" Ferb snickered.

"C'mon, delete delete deletedeletedelete!" Phineas said anxiously.

The phone gave an innocent ping to inform them that the photo had been deleted.

Phineas breathed a sigh of relief.

"Mischief managed." Perry said.

"What are you drawing?" Ferb asked.

"Stuff." Perry answered. "I was trying to draw that lady, but she turned out looking like a giant tortoise wearing a cupcake helmet."

Ferb took the sketchbook from him and burst into laughter. "Holy my cow, it does look like a tortoise wearing a cupcake helmet!"

"Let me see!" Phineas leaned over Ferb's shoulder and laughed. "That's awesome, Perry! Can I see the book?"

"Sure, why not?" Perry said. "Don't expect too much, though. They're just sketches."

Phineas took the book and began looking through it. "Oh man, that's a really funny drawing of Major Monogram! And look at the caricature of Doofenshmirtz!"

"Not too different from the real Doofenshmirtz." Ferb commented.

Phineas turned the page and gasped.

"Uh-oh. Sorry, I forgot to child-proof that before I gave it to you." Perry said. "Cover your eyes."

"No, no. It's beautiful."

"…I don't know how to react to that."

"No, Perry, this is a different sketch than what you're thinking of. It's beautiful." Phineas held up the sketchbook and showed him.

Drawings of delicate feathers appeared to be blowing across the page. Each feather had a different pattern. The feathers floated down to the bottom of the page, where they morphed into blazing flames.

"I forgot I drew that." Perry said quietly.

"They look so real." Phineas said breathlessly. "Like I could touch them."

"You could, but they'd just feel like notebook paper." Ferb said.

"And words are floating in the wind with them." Phineas said. "They're really pretty calligraphy. They look like they're moving. 'Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.' That's beautiful, Perry. Did you write that?"

"No, it's a Dickinson poem. It's one of my favorites."

"Cows are the things with udders, that graze upon the soil, and chew the cud without the mud and barely moo at all." Ferb said.

"It's so pretty." Phineas said. He handed the book back to Perry.

"Thanks." Perry said, slightly embarrassed. "I'm glad you like them."

"You're really good at drawing, Perry."

Perry shrugged. "Not as good as I'd like to be, but I enjoy doing it."

"Wait… what was that sketch you were talking about earlier? The one you thought I saw?" Phineas said suspiciously.

"I'll tell you when you're thirty." Perry said.

Ferb laughed, and Phineas looked distressed. "Oh, Perry…"

"I'm just messing with you." Perry grinned. "Hey, look, Phinny. There's your new best friend onstage. Let's hope he doesn't ask to borrow your phone and look through your photo album."

"It's deleted." Phineas insisted. "End of story."

"Aww. Stalker Phineas's career ended so soon." Ferb said.

* * *

Perry's dream that night was wonderful.

He was with Terrence again, and they were playing chase in the spring meadows. Perry finally caught up to him and they rolled around in the grass, laughing.

"Look at that, Perry." Terrence said, pointing up at the sky. "That cloud looks like a fish wearing a beret."

"It looks like a pineapple." Perry said.

"That's what you say for all the clouds."

"So? Clouds look like pineapples." Perry said.

Terrence smiled at him.

"Pineapples should be called cheesebutter." Perry said. "They look kind of like a mix between cheese and butter. When cut up."

"Cheesebutter." Terrence repeated. He laughed. "Never get old, okay, Perry?"

Perry grinned. "Sure, Ter. Whatever."

* * *

Perry was a little more than disappointed to wake up to find himself lying in bed again. He stretched and padded into the living room.

No one was there, so he made himself a cup of coffee and sat down in his favorite chair.

He finally saw the boys out the windows, biking up and down the street in front of the house. Ferb biked up an open truck bed and sailed into the air.

Perry was a little concerned when he didn't see Ferb come back down, but moments later Ferb came biking past the house again.

He smiled and shook his head. He should know better than to worry about the boys. They took care of themselves.

He recalled the dream he had had, and it made him feel a little sad. He hadn't really kept his promise to Terrence. His cheesebutter days were in the past. He rarely smiled anymore.

He hoped with all his heart the boys wouldn't turn out like him. Getting older shouldn't have to mean losing your childhood innocence and optimism.

A crash sounded outside the window. Perry noticed Ferb's bike was airborne again, and Phineas had just run into a bench.

The crash jolted Perry out of his former thoughts and into the present.

He was sitting on a comfy chair, staring out the window at the boys.

"I'm on break." He said to himself.

It was the first time he actually believed it to be true.

* * *

"We signed our first card as 'Devon and Carrie'." Devon said proudly.

"It was for a card to Kyle and Katie to congratulate them on Jasper." Carrie said.

"Goody for you." Pinky said. "Do any of you guys know an alternate phone number for Perry? He isn't picking up."

"I can give you his email." Peter said. "Why do you need it?"

"Just wanted to see how things were going with him." Pinky said.

* * *

"You said you were taking me on a walk." Perry said. "A WALK. A hike is not a walk. A hike is what happens when people decide that they would rather spend two hours getting right back to where they started instead of doing something productive."

"It is a walk, Perry. We're just walking down to the ski lift." Phineas said.

Perry sat down. "The ski lift is forever away."

"It's only like thirty minutes of walking away and COME! ON!" Phineas grunted, tugging on the leash.

Perry refused to budge. "I'm all for getting out of the house, believe me, but could we just go get a milkshake or something? Or here's a cool idea: There's this thing called a bus that drives you directly to the ski lift."

Candace and Linda had gotten into a huge fight over something-or-other, and it had put both of them in a really bad mood. Everything Perry and the boys did seemed to set them off, so they decided it would probably be best to not get in their way.

"Perry, the ski lift is fun. And we don't have any bus money. We only have ski lift money. Can you please get off your butt now?"

"I don't know, I'll have to discuss it with my butt."

"I promise you it doesn't feel like that long a walk." Phineas said. "And we'll get milkshakes after."

He tugged on the leash again. Perry sighed and got up. "Okay, fine. But I'm gonna hold you to that promise."

"You'll love it, Perry." Phineas said.

"Even more than my cow does." Ferb said.

"That may be stretching it a bit, but I'll hold you to that as well." Perry said.


	17. Chapter 17

"I'm a flying boy." Phineas said, leaning out of the edge of the ski lift.

"Be careful." Perry put a hand on his back. "Boys can't really fly."

"Nothing's impossible, Perry." Phineas said.

"Except for my cow." Ferb said.

"Wh'uh-oh." Phineas tumbled headfirst out of the ski lift. He clutched onto the bar, dangling dangerously over rocky mountain terrain.

Perry's heart stopped. "Sh-"

"-itake mushrooms." Ferb interrupted.

"Hang on, Phin." Perry said. He grabbed hold of Phineas's arms. "When you feel stable, use one arm to…"

Phineas let go of the bar. Perry was yanked over the edge. Ferb grabbed his legs.

"Not BOTH ARMS, Phin! Grab the bar!"

"I can't reach it now!"

"You two are heavy." Ferb said.

"Okay. Hold on until we get to the top where they let us off." Perry's heart was in his throat. They surely wouldn't make it if they plummeted from this height. Unless, as Phineas insisted, boys could really fly if they wanted to.

"Kid, you have got some kind of protective bubble around you." Perry snapped. "I hope you realize that."

Phineas smiled brightly.

They arrived at the ski lift station. The man working there looked very panicked to see a platypus and child hanging dangerously from the lift.

"I wonder if they'll let us go again." Perry said sarcastically.

* * *

"That was fun." Phineas said happily, sipping his milkshake.

"I'm not gonna be able to sleep for weeks." Perry stirred his own. "What were you THINKING, Phin? Don't ever lean so far out again!"

"I didn't think I was gonna fall out." Phineas said.

"He's fallen over the edge of cliffs before." Ferb said. "He's usually fine."

Perry shook his head. "You two scare me sometimes."

"We are scary children." Ferb said. "Scary children indeed."

Perry smiled a little. "I'm just glad we're all okay."

Perry's watch began to beep.

"Sorry, probably Monogram warning me about another Mexican food station." Perry grumbled. He switched it on.

"Agent P!" Monogram said. "I'm sorry to cut into your vacation time, but rogue agents have been spotted around the agency and there have been two attempts at infiltration. We need you back to investigate in the evenings. Code Red."

Perry sighed and shut the wrist communicator off. "Sorry, guys. Looks like I'm gonna be needed back at the agency."

"But… but we're on vacation." Phineas said.

"It's only at night. I'll fly back using my hovercar and I'll spend the days with you, okay? And it may even be a false alarm. Once Wendell the worm was caught digging a hole from the agency to an unknown location, and Monogram dubbed it infiltration, but he was really just digging back to his house."

"What if it isn't a false alarm?" Phineas asked. "Please be careful, Perry."

"I'll be fine, Phin. Don't be afraid for me. I promise I'll always come straight back. Every day. Okay?"

"And we'll have milkshakes every day." Ferb said.

"Yes, yes we will." Perry agreed.


End file.
